Gift Giving Following Your Divorce

Generally children from divorced families clean up during the holidays. In the early years post-separation, their parents’ guilt will ensure they’re buried in presents; later on, the addition of step parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts and so forth will multiply their holiday take exponentially. 

Best Gift: Co-parents That Get Along

Some folks try hard to stick with basically the same balanced Christmas philosophy they held pre-divorce (children are often second-generation-victims-of-broken-homes, get way too many presents from way too many relatives as it is.) During the married days, children got stockings from Santa, and one or two (generally utilitarian) presents from their father and mother. Some try not to go overboard, and they seem to do just fine.

Sometimes one parent is trying to keep up with the other parent's giving of presents. If you have found yourself trapped in this game, you need to have a talk with the other parent as soon as possible. Hopefully you and the other parent can come to an agreement to stop or at least lessen the amount of presents given to your child. This is not a time to be competing for the love of your child, but instead a time to be working together to be good single parents. This sense of competition will be perceived by your child and he or she will feel as though it is pulling him or her in two different directions. The typical child experiencing his or her parent's divorce and/or separation does not want to love one parent more than the other.

Or you can think about and treat your former spouse with respect. And then you are giving your innocent children a tremendous gift that will last a lifetime. Why? Because ...

Your children aren't exposed to high conflict dramas, unveiled anger, insults and ongoing "disputes."

You can co-parent more effectively as a parenting team in the years ahead.

Your children can avoid the stress and embarrassment from having to keep their parents apart during holidays, activities, graduations and other important celebrations with their children.

Your children are not robbed of their childhood by becoming pawns expected to act as spies, confidants or support systems for their angry and often insecure divorced parents.

Your children are not privy to personal issues between their divorced parents. You handle disagreements and other challenges together through communication, respectful conversation, professional guidance and co-parenting tools.

Can you have a respectful co-parenting relationship with your former spouse if you're filled with rage against them? More than likely not. Keep in mind that rage and anger are going to harm you more than they will impact your former spouse. Why not address it, so you can move on in your own life? Seek out a professional mediator, therapist, divorce coach, support group, clergy or co-parenting program to get insight about your feelings and find tools for handling your anger and other emotions more effectively.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve all marital conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Following A Divorce Holidays Can Be Challenging

If you’re a divorced household and have transitioned from one family into two, the holidays can be a frustrating time. What once was considered a wonderful time of the year can be very challenging after your separation or divorce. However, it doesn’t have to be a time of additional fighting and sadness.

The first and most important thing to remember is putting your children’s first. If ever there was a time to think about peace on earth and good will toward men (and women), it’s the holiday season. Yes, that applies to the previous spouse as well. If possible, for the children’s sake, keep the important traditions going. You may have to alter them a tad or perhaps reinvent them altogether. This is a great time to start new traditions with your children, but don’t be too quick to abandon the old ones just because it may not be the same to you. Remember, it’s about how your children feel. It’s not about you or the discarded partner.

It’s always best to plan ahead. Makes sure the lines of communication stay open. Don’t forget you are creating two separate holiday celebrations and there is a lot to do as far as coordination and travel. Be clear with your co-parent how and when you will celebrate. If it’s possible to for you and your ex to share time together with the children during the holiday, like dinner or breakfast with gift opening, the children will appreciate it. Be aware of your limits, though; too much togetherness might become stressful and bring the Scrooge out in you both.

The other danger in this scenario may be a hidden, ulterior motive for the togetherness, a desire to get back together with the ex. You must be honest with yourself. Don’t confuse the children with any hidden agenda. Be aware how they will feel, be certain they understand this does not mean you are getting back together. It’s common for children to secretly wish for this to happen, especially during the holidays, so make sure they aren’t harboring this notion before you decide to celebrate together.

If being around the ex seems an impossible task, alternating holiday time may be the answer. That means when it’s not your year, you have to find a way to celebrate that doesn’t include your children. Do something different, unexpected, avoid letting it be a sad and terrible time for you … your kids will know and feel guilty if you are all alone. The goal is to never expect them to choose one parent over the other. They love the both of  you.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve all marital conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

What About My Child Support?

I think the best place to start is to define just what is meant by “Child Support.” In family law child support is the ongoing, periodic payment made by a parent for the financial benefit of a child following the end of a marriage or other relationship. Child support is paid directly or indirectly by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent, a caregiver, a guardian, or the state for the care and support of children of a relationship that has ended.

Typically one has the same duty to pay child support irrespective of gender, so a mother is required to pay support to a father just as a father must pay a mother. In some jurisdictions where there is joint custody, the child is considered to have two custodial parents and no non-custodial parents, and a custodial parent with a higher income may then be required to pay the other custodial parent.

You can work with the state or an attorney and the courts to establish your child support or you can set up and establish those payments in the non-confrontational environment of mediation.

While the court always maintains jurisdiction with respect to child support, there are many aspects that can be mediated.  This could range from setting an initial amount, agreeing to modification, or setting out the terms by which the amount overdue might be made up or even forgiven in part (if that is appropriate).  Once parties agree to the child support terms, this should be taken to the court for approval.  Because the mediated terms are uncontested, however, court action to seek ratification of the agreement will be less expensive than that of a court battle resolution.  The advantage of mediation is not just to save time and expense, however.  A key advantage of mediation is that it allows for better more meaningful solutions.

Mediation can help you create a more effective working relationship with your previous partner or spouse. This is one of the most important aspects of learning to work together in raising your children. Through mediation, you will learn to communicate effectively with one another and maintain a workable relationship plan for the future of yourself and children.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve all marital conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Just What Is An Annulment?

Did you know you have options before divorce, such as separation or annulment? You are probably familiar with the term separation but what do you know about an Annulment? Perhaps even more important you should try to familiarize yourself with the option of using mediation.

A legal separation, annulment and divorce all end the marriage but in both subtle and profoundly different ways. In a separation the marriage is effect in that the parties can not participate in a new marriage.

Annulments are a bit different than divorces, and in some important ways yes, annulments do differ from divorces. Like a divorce, an annulment is a court order after a proceeding that essentially dissolves a marriage. However, unlike a divorce, an annulment has the legal effect of making it so the marriage never existed in the first place.

You cannot get an annulment just because your marriage was very short. To get an annulment, you need to show that your marriage is either “void” or “voidable”.  If you were not legally allowed to marry in the first place and the state will never approve such a marriage, it is called a “void” marriage.  If you were not legally permitted to marry because of a particular problem, but the state will allow you to choose to remain married, you have a “voidable” marriage.

Here are some elements that would make a marriage voidable:

One of the spouses did not have the mental capacity to consent to the marriage at the time. For example, a spouse may have been drunk or mentally ill.

One of the spouses is not physically capable of sexual intercourse. If this fact is concealed the marriage is voidable do to fraud.

One of the spouses was not old enough to get married. In general, you need to be 18 years old to get married, unless you have the permission of your parents and the court. A few states allow marriage at somewhat younger ages.

There was fraud involved in getting married. The courts are very strict, and will only annul a marriage for a fraud that goes to the heart of the marriage itself.  Historically, annulments for fraud were focused on sexual relations and the ability to have children.  Courts have also been willing to find fraud where one person had purely ulterior motives for entering into the marriage. For example, one person may have thought they were marrying for love, but the other person was only marrying them for immigration reasons. Many deceptive or fraudulent acts, however, will not be grounds for an annulment. Additionally, if you knew or should have known of the fraudulent conduct, an annulment may not be granted.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve all marital conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

How Do I Adopt My Stepchild?

In many blended families it is commonplace to adopt a stepchild or for that matter all of the stepchildren. But if you are wondering how to go about accomplishing that legal process.

Most commonly, it is a situation where a man is married to a woman who has a child from a prior marriage or relationship, and the man wants to adopt her child. It could also be the case that the man has a child from a prior relationship, and the woman wants to adopt the child.

The primary reason for adopting a stepchild is in order to obtain enforceable parental rights. This process requires cooperation from all parties involved, including both of the stepchild’s biological parents if both are still living.

The noncustodial biological parent must first relinquish his or her parental rights in order to have a stepparent adopt a child in Arizona. When biological parents consent to this type of adoption, they can voluntarily terminate their parental rights. Under the correct and extreme circumstances, parental rights may be involuntary terminated.

Adopting a stepchild can be a complicated process, and though the paperwork may seem simple, it represents a significant legal action that may be mishandled. To avoid complications and simplify the process, you can hire a mediator that does adoptions in their family practice.

Once you make the decision to adopt a stepchild or children, the natural parent must complete a “Consent to Adopt” form, and the stepparent and other natural parent must complete a “Petition to Adopt” form. If there are no issues or errors with consent or other requirements, the adoption will be legally granted.

When a stepparent adopts a stepchild, this is a strong family connection that can bring the blended families even closer. But it’s also a way for the stepparent to receive legal responsibilities of the child just as natural parents would.

After adoption, stepparents have the same financial and personal obligation to care for the child and provide for his or her basic needs. This adoption decision should never be taken lightly, so before requesting that the biological parent relinquish his or her rights, the stepparent must weigh their decision carefully.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve step parent adoptions in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

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WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Separation or Divorce Which Is Best For Now?

Did you know there are four different types of separations? We think, it's important you know the differences, because the type of separation a couple chooses can impact property rights. The following is a general overview of various types of separations, but each state has specific rules regarding property rights. If you have questions after reading this blog, and you are an Arizona resident please contact WHYmediate at 480-777-5500.

Trial Separations: When a couple lives apart for a test period, to decide whether or not to separate permanently, it's called a trial separation. Even if the spouses don't get back together, the assets they accumulate and debts they incur during the trial period are usually considered marital property. This type of separation is usually not legally recognized, but is instead a specific period in a couple's relationship.

Living Apart: Spouses who no longer reside in the same dwelling are said to be living apart. In some states, living apart without intending to reunite changes the spouses' property rights. For example, some states consider property accumulated and debts incurred while living apart to be the separate property or debt of the person who accumulated or incurred it. In other states, property is joint unless and until a divorce complaint is filed in court. In some states, couples will need to live apart for a certain period of time before they are permitted to file for a no-fault divorce.

Permanent Separation: When a couple decides to permanently split up, it's often called a permanent separation. It may follow a trial separation, or may begin immediately when the couple starts living apart. In most states, all assets received and most debts incurred after permanent separation are the separate property or responsibility of the spouse incurring them. However, debts that happen after separation and before divorce are usually joint debts if they are incurred for certain necessities, such as to provide for the children or maintain the marital home.

Legal Separation: A legal separation is when the parties separate and there is a legal ruling on the division of property, alimony, child support, custody, and visitation -- but does not grant a divorce. This isn't very common, but there are situations where spouses don't want to divorce for religious, financial, or personal reasons, but do want the certainty of a court order that says they're separated and addresses all the same issues that would be decided in a divorce. The money awarded for support of the spouse and children under these circumstances is often called separate maintenance (as opposed to alimony and child support). 

Consider working with a mediator no matter what you do as they can guide you to the proper choice that will be unique to your individual circumstances.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Marital Conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

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Grandparents Do Have Rights

Many feel that grandchildren are one of the greatest blessings in life. It is no small wonder that most grandparents want to spend quality time with their grandchildren. Unfortunately in some cases there are situations that arise, divorce to name one, that make the enjoyment of these special children seem nearly impossible. That need not be the case.

While there are many reasons families can disintegrate, divorce, the death of a parent, drug or alcohol abuse, incarceration, even what may be simple protracted disagreements. When those situations occur, grandparents still have certain legal rights, and can seek to redress visitation with their grandchildren or even custody in some extreme cases. These rights and the relevant laws vary from state to state. Understanding your own basic rights can help ensure that your special relationship with your grandchildren doesn't end even if the children's relationship with your adult child does. 

Grandparents in every state in the United States have rights, in some circumstances, to be awarded custody of their grandchildren or to be awarded court-mandated visitation with their grandchildren. Grandparents' rights are not constitutional in nature....Recognition of grandparents' rights by state legislatures is a fairly recent trend, and most of the statutes have been in effect for less than 35 years.

Courts grant visitation or custody to grandparents only when certain conditions provided in the state statutes are met. Conditions for a grandparent to attain custody differ from those conditions required for visitation rights. A grandparent should be familiar with the conditions for either custody or visitation before determining whether to file a petition to request either from a court of law.

Opening a dialog through mediation may be the quickest and most direct method of regaining visitations with your grandchildren. Generally, family members participate in mediation voluntarily. In some cases mediation is recommended or ordered by a family court. During mediation, all involved parties get together, in the presence of a neutral professional, to discuss the issues at the heart of the matter. Mediation works because families end up understanding each other's basic underlying interests and what may be best for the wellbeing of the children.

A mediator can help you decide the proper method to propose a mediated family meeting. When you contact a grandchild's parents, be respectful and positive. Complement them on their good parenting; confirm that you know they want the best for their child, just as you do, and that you'd like to support them. If communications are impossible let your mediator make the approach.

Explain your desire to have a family mediator help all of you to communicate more effectively and come to a mutually agreeable and beneficial solution. 

Provide contact information for the mediators you've talked with, but be open to using another mediator if they request it. Tell them you'll check back with you or your mediator by a certain date after they have had time to think about it. 

You can make a phone call, write a letter or in some cases WHYmediate can contact your family directly for you. A simple phone call can start the process for you. 480-777-5500

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions