Following A Divorce Holidays Can Be Challenging

If you’re a divorced household and have transitioned from one family into two, the holidays can be a frustrating time. What once was considered a wonderful time of the year can be very challenging after your separation or divorce. However, it doesn’t have to be a time of additional fighting and sadness.

The first and most important thing to remember is putting your children’s first. If ever there was a time to think about peace on earth and good will toward men (and women), it’s the holiday season. Yes, that applies to the previous spouse as well. If possible, for the children’s sake, keep the important traditions going. You may have to alter them a tad or perhaps reinvent them altogether. This is a great time to start new traditions with your children, but don’t be too quick to abandon the old ones just because it may not be the same to you. Remember, it’s about how your children feel. It’s not about you or the discarded partner.

It’s always best to plan ahead. Makes sure the lines of communication stay open. Don’t forget you are creating two separate holiday celebrations and there is a lot to do as far as coordination and travel. Be clear with your co-parent how and when you will celebrate. If it’s possible to for you and your ex to share time together with the children during the holiday, like dinner or breakfast with gift opening, the children will appreciate it. Be aware of your limits, though; too much togetherness might become stressful and bring the Scrooge out in you both.

The other danger in this scenario may be a hidden, ulterior motive for the togetherness, a desire to get back together with the ex. You must be honest with yourself. Don’t confuse the children with any hidden agenda. Be aware how they will feel, be certain they understand this does not mean you are getting back together. It’s common for children to secretly wish for this to happen, especially during the holidays, so make sure they aren’t harboring this notion before you decide to celebrate together.

If being around the ex seems an impossible task, alternating holiday time may be the answer. That means when it’s not your year, you have to find a way to celebrate that doesn’t include your children. Do something different, unexpected, avoid letting it be a sad and terrible time for you … your kids will know and feel guilty if you are all alone. The goal is to never expect them to choose one parent over the other. They love the both of  you.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve all marital conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

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