Having Great Relations With Your Children While Planning A Divorce

Separation and the following divorce are painful processes that disrupt the lives of families. A large body of research has mapped out the common reactions to divorce, and identified ways to ease this painful process. 

For the majority of children who experience the dissolution of their parents’ marriage, the effects are modest and relatively short-lived. Within two years of a separation, the majority of parents regain their equilibrium, establish polite but distant communication with their ex-partner, and their children, in turn, adapt to the new living arrangements. 

Nevertheless, most children report painful feelings about their parents’ divorce, and a significant minority of children suffer extended and prolonged symptomatology related to parental divorce that may include both internalizing and externalizing problems.

Every parent wants to be a good parent; every parent wants to provide for his or her children in the manner that he or she thinks best. The litany of complaints about the ex-spouse will often go on for several minutes. The complaints may be justified, the frustration very real, but the question for the parent remains the same: “Are you doing everything possible to facilitate a good relationship with your child’s other parent?”

Encouraging such a relationship – letting your child know that you genuinely want him to love his mother and father and to be close to both parents – is the most loving, caring, and healthy thing you can do for your child. Research indicates that the strongest predictor of child health in the aftermath of a divorce is the ability to have close relationships with both parents. Encouraging your child to love his or her other parent is the best thing you can do to help him or her cope well with the divorce.

Parents often seek the advice of health care professionals about the timing of their divorce, and wonder whether there is an age at which children are immune to the negative effects of parental separation. Children of all ages are sensitive to parental divorce; their reactions are expressed in ways consistent with their developmental stage. Moreover, children are sensitive to all parental conflict, including suppressed, polite hostility. Parents should be reassured by the research finding that children are also sensitive to the resolution of conflict. Even very young children are aware that a dispute has been successfully resolved.

Children who have experienced their parents’ divorce display a range of emotional and behavioural reactions in the months following the event. Following their parents’ separation, children may regress, display anxiety and depressive symptoms, appear more irritable, demanding and noncompliant, and experience problems in social relationships and school performance.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve family conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Is Divorce Court, the TV Show, a Glimpse of Realty?

For the last 15 years the TV show Divorce Court has shown viewers a realty show version of the Divorce Court. 

From the website http://divorcecourt.com/

Judge Lynn Toler is host of the longest running television court program, “Divorce Court” and author of three books including “Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution.”

Judge Toler became the host of “Divorce Court” in 2006. Prior to that, Judge Lynn Toler graduated from Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She began practicing law in Cleveland in 1984. In 1993, at the age of 33, she was elected judge of The Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Judge Toler volunteered actively in her community creating innovative programs for young offenders such as Woman Talk, a program designed to intensively mentor young, at-risk girls.

Judge Toler has written for a variety of magazines including Divorce Magazine published through out the United States and Canada. In 2009, Judge Toler was given The Voice of Freedom Award by the Philadelphia Chapter of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. joining former honorees Colin Powell and Vice President Al Gore, in ringing the Liberty Bell on Martin Luther King Day.

Some reviewers have suggested the show should be called Woman's Court because men do not do well at all. Other reviewers have said Judge Toler's uneven distribution of so-called fairness and justice is an obvious abuse of feminist authority. “Especially, when she feels the need to take the woman into her chambers and speak ill of the man away from his ability to defend himself. I have yet to see her take a man into her chambers and do the same for him,” said one comment.

As with much of reality television the content is carefully chosen and presented in a dramatic way that may not be a fair representation of the way things work in the real world. Keep in mind this is first and foremost meant to be a form of entertainment.  Reality shows are often more about getting and maintaining viewership rather than a form of true education.

Found on the website IMDB along with the review of Divorce Court. “More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined - over $50 billion a year and growing. Through extensive research and interviews with the nation's top divorce lawyers, mediators, judges, politicians, litigants and journalists, this documentary uncovers how children are torn from their homes, unlicensed custody evaluators extort money, and abusive judges play god with people's lives while enriching their friends. This explosive documentary reveals the family courts as unregulated, extra-constitutional fiefdoms. Rather than assist victims of domestic crimes, these courts often precipitate them. And rather than help parents and children move on, as they are mandated to do, these courts - and their associates - drag out cases for years, sometimes decades, ultimately resulting in a rash of social ills, including home foreclosure, bankruptcy, suicide and violence. Solutions to the crisis are sought out in countries where divorce is handled in a more holistic manner.”

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions 

You Can Have A Better Divorce At WhyMediate?

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. 

Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. 

You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to both current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

Stay out of court; avoid the crushing legal fees associated with high court costs and still successfully resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

At WHYmediate? we bring vast experience in areas of the law, mediation, coaching and healing to the table and empower you to do your own research and find the values of your assets and extent of your liability.

At WHYmediate? we believe in open communication – full disclosure of all possible issues, obstacles and solutions, sharing information, stories, experiences that will help you.

At WHYmediate? we believe in progress, and that means change, transition and letting go. Or to put it simpley - Resolution

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 S. Lakeshore Dr. Ste. 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

How Does a Prenup Change The Divorce Process?

First, just what is a prenup or prenuptial agreement?

In Arizona a prenuptial agreement (sometimes referred to as a premarital agreement) is defined as, "an agreement between prospective spouses that is made in contemplation of marriage and that is effective upon that marriage.” 

A prenuptial agreement is used during a divorce to try to protect you and your spouse as you part ways in the future. Arizona is one of nine states classified as a "community property state". What this means is that if you have a divorce, all property acquired after marriage will be split evenly during the dissolution process. Failing to make a prenuptial agreement can result in the courts having power over your future.

Can a prenup be found to be invalid?

Your prenuptial agreement might also be declared invalid if you or your spouse failed to disclose some of your assets before it was signed. Courts don’t want to reward one spouse for hiding assets, or their full value, from the other spouse; a prenuptial agreement signed under such circumstances deprives innocent spouses of the opportunity to fully understand what they are signing. For example, if you thought your spouse had $200,000 in assets, you might be more likely to sign a prenuptial agreement waiving your right to your spouse's assets than if you had known the value of those assets was actually $2 million. Thus, if a court finds one spouse failed to disclose a large portion of his assets, this could invalidate the prenuptial agreement.

Did you know you can have a mediated prenup?  In mediation, the couple formulates the terms of the prenup, face-to-face, with the assistance of the mediator.  Unlike “lawyering up,” they are modeling communication, collaboration, and mutual understanding and respect in coming to the terms of the prenup.  This action at the outset of their marriage is an achievement that reflects the connecting process of a good marriage.

A mediator is a neutral party who works to hear each side and level the playing field.  Each of the future spouses will be able to express his/her thoughts about what the prenup should do.  A party can also, in the mediation session, express the opinion that no prenup is needed.  The mediator can help the couple reconcile differences in a fair way that is satisfactory to each.  Mediation does not feel like bullying.  The parties are in control of the process.

No matter what always have a qualified party look over any document you are about to sign that will affects aspect of your future life.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce Facts You Will Find Interesting

In the U.S. the average marriage last just 8 years. So why isn’t called the eight year itch? 

The average female divorcee waits four years before trying again.  The average male it is less than two years.

It's no secret that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced. Studies indicate that daughters of divorced parents have a 60-percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents, and sons have a 35-percent higher divorce rate.

68% of married couples see their 10th anniversary. However just 35% make it to their 25th. Due to age, death and divorce just over 6% make it to their 50th.

They better the economy the higher the divorce rate. You might think that since many people rate money problems as a cause for divorce the opposite would be true.

Your religious beliefs can play a part in whether a marriage lasts. On average 61% of couples with no religious affiliation made it to their 10th anniversary, compared to 65% of Protestants and 73% of Catholics.

Couples with higher levels of education are more likely to stay together. About 60% of couples with only a high school diploma were still married after 10 years, compared to 85% of those with a bachelor's degree and 82% of those with a master's degree or higher.

In general, the older a couple is at marriage, the more likely their marriage is to last. 54% of couples married younger than age 20 make it to their 10th anniversary, compared to 69% of couples married age 20-24, and 78% of couples age 25+.

The More You Get Remarried, The More Likely You’ll Get Divorced Some folks believe you should try and try again when it comes to love, but should the same thought process apply to marriage? Statistically the answer is no. According to Divorce Statistics, the divorce rate for a first marriage is between 41 to 50 percent, second marriages have a divorce rate of 60 to 67 percent, and for third marriage the divorce rate is between 73 to 74 percent.

Couples With Longer Commutes Are More Likely To Divorce. You might have never put these two things together, but if you commute at least 45 minutes one-way to work then your marriage is at risk, according to research done by Erica Sandow of Umea University in Sweden.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce Secrets That Can Save Time and Money

Going through a divorce is agonizing emotionally, taxing financially, complicated, confusing, and expensive, regardless of whether you and your spouse are getting along or at each other's throats, whether you have an attorney (or attorneys) or not, how much education you have, or how much money or how many children you have.

At WHYmediate?, we want to offer you these tips and tricks to save money during your divorce process and beyond.

It may come as no surprise the very first secret is to use mediation (and  WHYmediate? at that) rather than the more traditional divorce court process.

Get your financial and life information "ducks" in a row. When you get divorced, you need to know what you have/had at the date you married as well as the date you separated. You will need records of your bank accounts, stock accounts, retirement accounts, three years of tax returns (or more), at least three months of pay stubs, mortgage statements, purchase documents for any real estate you own, any refinance documents, any life insurance policies, statements of debt (credit cards, loans), automobile title documents, and any pre- or post-nuptial agreements.

Separate your joint bank accounts, i.e. your checking and savings. Evaluate your pension  (and your spouse's).

Be prepared when you come to meetings and mediation. Have any documents you've been asked to bring, prepare a list of questions or topics you want to go over. Don't fight for fighting's sake. Most items can be replaced. Don't spend $1,200 fighting over the $200 smart phone.

Even with a great lawyer, you aren't always going to get everything you want. The reason people hate the divorce process so much is because effective litigation (any kind) ends with both parties unhappy. Never is this more true in the case of a divorce. You cannot reasonably expect to get everything you want in a divorce. It's a divorce - it sucks. It's going to suck. And beyond cases of gross malpractice, most of that suckitude is not going to be your lawyer's fault. So reconsider your expectations and just try to keep/get the really important items.

WHYmediate?, helps you look forward to the future and helps prevent from getting stuck in details. We also help you to observe and take different aspects into consideration, aspects that you would easily miss in the midst of your family crisis.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Learn To Fast Track Your Divorce

While most people will tell you that divorce is one life change that must be well thought out.  It is not something that should be a hasty decision. But when you are sure you are ready just how fast can you proceed?

That part of the divorce process is partly governed by your state statues. Here in Arizona it is: At least one spouse must be an Arizona resident for 90 days prior to filing a petition for marriage dissolution. You must then wait at least 60 days after serving the petition before the court can grant a judgment for divorce. Ariz. Rev. Stat. § 25-312, 329.

Divorce is the legal process that ends a marriage. In Arizona, the legal term for divorce is “marriage dissolution.” During the divorce process you will have to make decisions about child custody, visitation, child support, alimony (sometimes called spousal support or maintenance), property and debt division, and attorney's fees and costs. You can either make an agreement with your spouse about these issues (called mediation) or you can have the court decide for you in a trial.  

You can also choose between the divorce in a court or by mediation.  At WHYmediate?, we think you will find that mediation has many advantages. 

Control – People keep control over the resolution of their own problem.

Saves Time and Hassle – Disputes can be settled promptly. Mediation sessions can be scheduled as soon as everyone agrees to use mediation to resolve the dispute, and often before a lawsuit is filed.

Costs Less – Mediation costs are significantly less than taking a case to trial, often from 50% to 90% savings.

Collaborative Interaction – Foster better long-term relationships through cooperative problem-solving and improved communication.

Privacy and Confidentiality – The mediator and the people in the dispute must maintain the confidentiality of the information disclosed during mediation.

Flexibility – Although a judge may order a case to proceed to mediation, the mediation may be terminated at any time by the people involved or by the mediator. Settlement is also entirely voluntary. If you cannot reach an agreement, you still have the right to take the dispute before a judge or jury.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions