Having Great Relations With Your Children While Planning A Divorce

Separation and the following divorce are painful processes that disrupt the lives of families. A large body of research has mapped out the common reactions to divorce, and identified ways to ease this painful process. 

For the majority of children who experience the dissolution of their parents’ marriage, the effects are modest and relatively short-lived. Within two years of a separation, the majority of parents regain their equilibrium, establish polite but distant communication with their ex-partner, and their children, in turn, adapt to the new living arrangements. 

Nevertheless, most children report painful feelings about their parents’ divorce, and a significant minority of children suffer extended and prolonged symptomatology related to parental divorce that may include both internalizing and externalizing problems.

Every parent wants to be a good parent; every parent wants to provide for his or her children in the manner that he or she thinks best. The litany of complaints about the ex-spouse will often go on for several minutes. The complaints may be justified, the frustration very real, but the question for the parent remains the same: “Are you doing everything possible to facilitate a good relationship with your child’s other parent?”

Encouraging such a relationship – letting your child know that you genuinely want him to love his mother and father and to be close to both parents – is the most loving, caring, and healthy thing you can do for your child. Research indicates that the strongest predictor of child health in the aftermath of a divorce is the ability to have close relationships with both parents. Encouraging your child to love his or her other parent is the best thing you can do to help him or her cope well with the divorce.

Parents often seek the advice of health care professionals about the timing of their divorce, and wonder whether there is an age at which children are immune to the negative effects of parental separation. Children of all ages are sensitive to parental divorce; their reactions are expressed in ways consistent with their developmental stage. Moreover, children are sensitive to all parental conflict, including suppressed, polite hostility. Parents should be reassured by the research finding that children are also sensitive to the resolution of conflict. Even very young children are aware that a dispute has been successfully resolved.

Children who have experienced their parents’ divorce display a range of emotional and behavioural reactions in the months following the event. Following their parents’ separation, children may regress, display anxiety and depressive symptoms, appear more irritable, demanding and noncompliant, and experience problems in social relationships and school performance.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve family conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions