Divorce Equals Change, What You Need To Know

Life Will Change More Than You Realize

"I thought I'd enjoy being alone," is a common thought process. But in reality I'm lonely. Whenever my friends complain about how needy their husbands or children are, I say, 'Try living without that.'

Your Life Won't Be More Carefree

As a self-confident, independent woman with a fast-moving career and no children, many women couldn't wait to be free of the pain of their dying marriage.

They no longer have to put with up the husband’s problems. They will be able to do what they want when they want to. But after the divorce, it was their career and the home that began to hold them hostage. They were imprisoned by all the things they thought made them look good."

You Trade One Set Of Problems For Another

Even the most amiable break-ups bring deep wounds. There are always consequences to divorce.

"What I didn't anticipate," says Mike, who hasn't remarried, "was the way my friends perceived me. All of a sudden I became damaged goods. One couple, who'd been my close friends for 20 years, became cool toward me after the divorce."

Feelings Can Be Deceiving

Many newly married, learn that following their feelings can have tragic consequences.

"My husband was away a lot, and most evenings I was home alone. I felt lonely and empty. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered why I ever got married.

"When I met a man who made me feel alive and passionate about life, I concluded these feelings of excitement confirmed I was no longer in love with my husband.

Even if the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence try to consider it may all be a false perception. When you are sure know you have choices that will make the break easier to live with. Consider mediation over divorce court.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Celebrating Mother’s Day Following A Divorce

Mother’s Day, a special time for families to express how much love and appreciation they have for their mothers, but this day can also stir up mixed emotions if a family is dealing with following your divorce. Planning for Mother’s Day after divorce can cause stress or tension between parents and other family members, yet this is a great day to show your kids that even if parents are not together, everyone acknowledges and respects Mom’s role in your family.

If you're divorced and your children aren't scheduled to be with you because Mother's Day has been overlooked in your agreement, try negotiating with your ex, there's Father's Day to offer as an even exchange. If he agrees, then unless you want to be negotiating this every year.

When you're juggling all the legalities of your divorce, you might be tempted to just sit out this holiday ... but don't! Holidays and commemorations are important rituals and they're part of what makes a family. Think about how many of your own memories about your family are centered around an event. Recreating these traditions after divorce is an important part of reassuring your children that you are still a family.

If your ex isn't agreeable to an exchange of parenting time or it's not possible because of other commitments, don't give up on celebrating the day. Look for a day when your children will be with you and you can deem to be Mother's Day. Don't worry that it isn't the actual Mother's Day. Chances are, it won't be the only occasion you'll have to celebrate on an alternate date—it's bound to happen on your birthday and even your children's birthdays at some point. And as your children get older and their activities increase, conflicting schedules will become a fact of life.

Make your plans well in advance. It's important to be prepared in advance of Mother's Day and Father's Day. Agreement on how to handle these days can be included as part of your parenting plan. If at all possible, it's great when the children can spend at least some time with the parent who has the special day happening. Don't leave who's going to be where with whom until the last minute.

Negotiating after the fact with a former spouse is never easy, but you can gain a lot of cooperation in the long-term by being willing to reciprocate. One good turn deserves another. If the children are scheduled to be with their Dad on Mother's Day, ask if you can arrange a switch or at least a part of the day that the kids can be with Mom. Offer to reciprocate in kind when Father's Day rolls around.

In any case at WHYmediate? We wish you have a happy and joyous Mother’s Day!

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Current Divorce Statistics

You may have heard that around 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. The number is similarly high in many other developed nations.

When you break that down by number of marriages:
    41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
    60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
    73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

Divorce Facts

The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

In America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That's nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year.

The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old.

People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all).

Seventy-nine point six percent of custodial mothers receive a support award, while only 29.6 percent of custodial fathers receive a support award.

Forty-six point nine percent of non-custodial mothers totally default on support, while only 26.9 percent of non-custodial fathers totally default on support.

About 1 percent of the total number of currently married same-sex couples gets divorced each year, in comparison to about 2 percent of married straight couples. (Note that the percent of couples that get divorced eventually is 50 percent, but only one or two percent get divorced in a particular year.)

Statistics About The Likelihood of Divorce

Living together prior to getting married can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.

If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14 percent.

People who wait to marry until they are over the age of 25 are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.

If you've attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13 percent.

Considering divorce? You need to know all of your options. At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Contemplating Divorce... Should You Stay or Should You Go?

As you know change is difficult. No change is more basic and fundamental than the dissolution of your marriage. Is fear of change, the one thing holding you back from an adjustment that may be necessary in your life.

Family law attorneys have called January "Divorce Month” for years. In fact, the first Monday of January, when the bulk of the calls from would-be divorcees come in, is even dubbed “Divorce Day,” or "D-Day" for short. Does that affect “change” in the other months?

Or will the loss of that lovin feeling be the straw that breaks your camel’s back? What do you do when you feel that the love you once shared with your mate has disappeared, with no apparent possibility of revival, but you adore your children and can’t imagine spending even one day apart from them?

Maintaining a romantic bond for years on end is challenging, but adding kids to the mix and keeping a romantic connection for the entire length of the relationship is extremely so, if not impossible, even with all the great advice books out there on the topic.

We all know the cliché of the spouses who grow apart after having kids, he wants sex, she’s too exhausted; he feels rejected, she’s resentful, and then the man has what we call a “mid-life crisis,” including an illicit affair with a 20-something. Finally, he leaves his wife, the mother of his children, to go relive his good old carefree days, while she stays in the family home with the responsibility of caring for their children and running the home.

Admittedly, there is no perfect choice when your marriage as you knew it is over. There are just less unhealthy options. 

One thing to keep in mind how you go about the divorce is not without options and mediation is a good one to consider.

At WHYmediate? we can work together to: 
Discover the WHY of each mediation participant to instantly deepen communication. 
Create a Disputants Agenda for 1-3 mediation sessions on Remaining Dispute within an Existing Case. 
Prepare memorandum Agreement for Attorneys or divorcing parties.

Divorce is the act of dissolving your marriage. When that marriage ends the family is transformed. The events that occur after a divorce or separation will directly affect the future of the parents, children, and their relationships, which is why managing and organizing the parental roles is essential as part of our process of resolution.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Is Divorce Different Today?

Marriage rates are at their lowest in the past century, and divorce is slightly less likely today than it was 30 years ago. Even though the divorce rate was rising in the 1970s, the number of children involved in each divorce has been falling since the late 1960s. Fertility and pregnancy control made possible by "the pill" and legalized abortion may help to explain both the recent decline in divorces and a recent rise in out-of-wedlock births.

The dynamics of the family are changing as well as the feelings of and about divorce. No matter society or your feelings about divorce the statistics show the likely hood still is that your marriage for whatever the route cause may end in a divorce.

These causes include the aforementioned rise of the birth control pill; higher incomes for women and greater access to education; and new household labor-saving technologies that make it more likely a marriage today will involve people with "similar incomes and interests" as opposed to individuals with clearly defined and distinctly different domestic and wage earning roles. In particular, they argue that marriages can no longer be characterized as having household specialization and children as the central tenet. These changes mean that couples today have different expectations about the benefits of both forming a union and formalizing that union through marriage.

Many people mistakenly believe that money is a primary cause of divorce. It didn't even make the top ten.

According to the national Center for Health Statistics, the woman files two-thirds of divorce cases. A more amazing statistic is that when the couple are college-educated, divorces initiated by the wife is a whopping 90-percent! What's more interesting that for the past one-hundred years the primary filer has been the woman. The divorce rate began climbing at a drastic rate in the 70s. This statistic correlates with the fact that beginning in 1969, states began adopting "no fault" divorce laws and by 1985, all states had such a law in place.

The "no-fault" divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Prior to these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty had to be proven for a divorce to be granted.

This may be the reason why many people think that it's no big deal for a woman to go through divorce. The truth is that divorce is extremely painful for all parties involved. Most women do not want a divorce. They took their vows seriously and believed they would be married for life. They want a partner, a friend, a lover and a mate that cherishes them. 

Even though many women work today, they are still expected to be the primary housekeeper and main caregiver of their children. This adds an extreme amount of undue pressure on her. This means that women actually have two full time jobs. In many workplaces, women are still dealing with inequality, watching male counterparts get promotions, as they are passed over time and time again.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

How Do Children Complicate Your Divorce?

If you and your spouse have children, your divorce will likely involve many complicated legal and emotional issues. If you are interested in custody (sole or joint), you need to speak with someone familiar with family law immediately. If you are not interested in custody, you are still responsible for your children’s welfare and need to discuss with your attorney how you will continue to support them.

During the divorce process, it is important that you consider the impact of your every action on your children, their emotional state, and their routines. Maintain as much stability and consistency as possible in their lives. You should also resist any temptation you may feel to disparage your spouse to your children, to discuss the details of the divorce, or give them the reasons for the divorce. Make sure they understand that they did not cause the divorce and that both of their parents love them and will continue in their lives.

The legal staff at WHYmediate? believe strongly in the value and purpose of our work — helping protect the rights and responsibilities of your family relationships.

Arizona child custody laws define “legal custody” as the decision-making ability of the parents in the lives of the children. This can be sole or joint/shared. A parent with sole legal custody is solely responsible for deciding major medical decisions for the children, where the children will attend school, whether and where they will attend church and more. Parents with joint legal custody in Arizona must agree on these matters, or have a court or their mediator decide. Parents with no legal custody may still make everyday decisions (such as sports activities and minor medical decisions) for their children while the children are with that parent.

Divorce cases are typically emotionally charged, so it may be a very good idea to seek counseling and support before and/or during the process. Don't wait for your spouse to agree to participate in counseling. Individual counseling can help.

If it is safe and there is no violence in the relationship, parents and children can attend sessions together to help reduce the effects of a divorce or custody dispute on the children and to help the family heal emotionally.

Divorce is often a lonely and emotionally draining experience. By getting support from other people and information (such as the legal information from our website), you can gain some control in the process and your experience can be less painful.

We are ready to offer help and advice to help you through this difficult experience and in moving from WHY? to YES! 

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Resolve Your Divorce Conflict In A Positive Learning Environment

Does our title seem like something that isn’t even possible? “Resolve Your Divorce Conflict In A Positive Learning Environment.”  Are you familiar with the saying “You don’t know what you don’t know.”? If you haven’t learned about the advantages of using Divorce Mediation rather than going to the adversarial process of Divorce Court, then it is something you don’t know. Please take a minute and look over some of the advantages of the services from WHYmediate?.

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

We can help you stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

During your mediation session each person involved in the dispute presents a summary of his or her point of view. If you have an attorney, they are often allowed to attend, but you then have to pay for three professionals in the same room at the same time, and most parties do not want to spend that much money these days in these challenging financial times. The mediator will meet with everyone together and may also meet individually with each side. This offers participants the opportunity to communicate to the mediator their real interests in the dispute as well as to vent anger or frustrations outside the presence of the opposing side. The mediator will work with each person until an agreement is reached that is acceptable to everyone. 

Once they do reach agreement, the mediator or the attorneys will put the agreement or the final consent decree or stipulated agreement in writing and signed by the people involved, with the advice of their attorneys which can then be filed as an order to be approved by the judge assigned to your case.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions