Why Mediate Your Divorce at Whymediate?

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.

Perhaps you first need to understand that you have a better alternative to using the traditional divorce court to end your marriage and that is mediation.

At WHYmediate? our divorce mediation process helps our participants resolve conflicts and create new relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution.

Mediation will save you money, time, aggravation, and stress plus give you more control over your case. You will also have the liberty of talking about things that a judge may not even have the authority to discuss!  The private mediation process is so much more flexible and informal that folks can communicate better.

When you add our WHY discovery process to the mediations steps, you get to have all the learning, coaching and growth that accompanies our cutting edge process, along with your mediated settlement – AND, all keeping you out of court and saving you money and time!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

Stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

Our process starts at a fundamentally different place which is with helping you understand your personal motivation.  Knowing your WHY will ease the process of mediation because once you know your WHY, you will have a deeper understanding of your own value system which significantly impacts the decisions you will make in the mediation process.  The valuable understanding and compassion that was once unavailable is suddenly now accessible because you now KNOW YOUR WHY!

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Learning From Your Divorce Process

During the divorce process, spouses and your children often face a long list of stressful events: new living arrangements, parenting schedules, and of course, decisions about property and money. 

The stresses caused by these changes can make it difficult for spouses to understand the legal process of divorce, and may even impair their ability to make sound decisions. Getting through a divorce may be easier if you’re informed about the process before it begins. 

Obsessing about all of the bad things you feel were done to you by your spouse during your marriage will only prevent you from moving on with your life and making decisions that are in your family’s best interests. Ignore the past and focus on your future. Approaching divorce through a mediation process with a willingness to work with your spouse to achieve the best possible result for your family is the best path.

Most people think all divorces end up in court. In fact, there are alternative ways to resolve divorce cases. One method is “mediation” in which a mediator (neutral third party specially trained to work in divorce cases) facilitates face-to-face negotiations between divorcing spouses and helps them work out mutual agreements. The mediator will often recommend that each spouse consult with an attorney while the mediation process is proceeding. However, these consulting attorneys don’t attend mediation sessions.

Many life-changing decisions come up during a divorce. For example, you may have to determine whether to you need to sell the family home. Resist the impulse to make a quick decision just to get the case over with. When making important choices, it’s essential that you consider the potential consequences.

Learn to put your children’s emotional well-being in first place as you process your divorce.

Whenever you’re about to say something hurtful give yourself some time to think before you speak. A simple rule to follow is to count to ten before you answer a question or make a statement.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the heat of the moment. However, saying cruel things to your spouse in the presence of your children can have a lasting effect. Psychological studies show that the more parents fight during a divorce, the more damaging the whole process is to the children.

In addition, unless there’s a history of abuse or neglect, your children will continue to have a relationship with their other parent. No matter how upset you are with your spouse, you should not try to discourage or interfere with a healthy parent-child bond.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions  

Divorce During The Social Media Era

Do you think there is a link between social media use and higher divorce rates? Some new research is suggesting that the two are related in at least some capacity.

A recent study compared divorce rates for each state to per capita Facebook accounts. A separate analysis looked at data from a 2011-12 survey asking people about their marriage quality and social media use.

The study discovered a link between social media use and a decrease in married life quality.

However, these results don’t necessarily mean social media use itself is to blame for marriages failing. There could be extraneous variables involved. For example, a disgruntled husband might log on to Twitter or Facebook more often to divert his mind from the arguments he has been having with his wife. However, it is apparent that social media’s influence in marriages, and divorce, is becoming more prevalent.

The study, published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior by researchers from Pontificia Universidad Católica de Chile and Boston University, compared state-by-state divorce rates to per-capita Facebook accounts. In a separate analysis, they also used data from a 2011-2012 survey that asked individuals about marriage quality and social media use.

The state analyses found that a 20 percent annual increase in Facebook enrollment was associated with anywhere from a 2.18 percent to a 4.32 percent increase in divorce rates depending on the model used. Similarly, the model from individual survey results predicts that someone who does not use social media is over 11 percent happier in his or her marriage than a heavy social media user.

The authors also hypothesized that social media's addictive qualities may expose or even create marital strife, promote an environment prevalent with opportunities for jealousy and may help facilitate extra-marital affairs.

Social media is evolving at an alarming speed, with smartphones replacing simple cell phones, offering a whole new world of fast, direct and discreet communication options. Serving as multimedia datacenters, smartphones manage every kind of relationship. Social media applications lower inhibitions and barriers, making it simpler than ever to find contact nearly anyone. Why make a phone call when you can send private message with a picture or video to better engage the recipient?

Many people within the divorce process have found that mediation rather than divorce court was a better solution.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions   

Divorce Can Lead To A New Life

The four of the most devastating words a spouse can hear are “I want a divorce.” Divorce can leave you depressed, lonely, financially strapped and wondering, What happens now?

What happens next has a lot to do with the type and manner of your divorce. Besides divorce court you can use mediation to start the next phase of your life.

Some experts feel that It usually takes about two years after a divorce to feel normal again. During those 24 months, there are ways that help both parties heal, including talking out feelings, taking classes and even to begin dating again.

What follows are some things to keep in mind as you process the changes in your life.

Let yourself grieve. The breakup of a marriage is similar to a death, so it’s natural to mourn the life and lifestyle you’ve lost – even if you wanted the split.

Learn to lean on your family and friends. Rely on those close to you to prevent you from doing anything stupid or rash, like drunk dialing your ex, slashing their tires, posting nasty things to Facebook or harassing the new person in their life.

Consider seeking professional support. Friends who’ll let you sob on their shoulders and sleep on their couch when you can’t face being alone are true treasures. But for figuring out how to jump-start your new life, it may be better to talk with a therapist or spiritual adviser.

Take it slow. Consider baby steps. It can be tempting to date someone new right away, if only to prove you’re still desirable. 

First, consider making new friends. After your divorce, you may feel like the odd person out in a paired-up world. In fact, your married friends may not want to spend as much time with you. That’s why you’ll need new single friends.

Get smart with your finances. Even if you paid the bills while you were married, get up to speed on money matters – fast. Here is one way to get started. Take city-college or adult-education classes in personal finance management.

Work on your bucket list. Or start one if you don’t already have your list. Sure, divorce creates a vacuum. But it also offers the opportunity to rediscover old – and new – interests that you let go when you were married.  

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Remember Memorial Day

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300
Tempe, AZ 85282
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Let Us Help You Resolve Your Divorce Conflict

Does the following statement seem like something that is possible? “Resolve Your Divorce Conflict In A Positive Learning Environment.”  Are you familiar with the saying “You don’t know what you don’t know.”? If you haven’t discovered the advantages of using Divorce Mediation rather than going to the adversarial process of Divorce Court, then it is something you don’t know. Please take time to look over the advantages of WHYmediate?.

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

We can help you stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

During your mediation session each person involved in the dispute presents a summary of his or her point of view. If you have an attorney, they are often allowed to attend, but you then have to pay for three professionals in the same room at the same time, and most parties do not want to spend that much money these days in these challenging financial times. The mediator will meet with everyone together and may also meet individually with each side. This offers participants the opportunity to communicate to the mediator their real interests in the dispute as well as to vent anger or frustrations outside the presence of the opposing side. The mediator will work with each person until an agreement is reached that is acceptable to everyone.

Once the parties reach an agreement, the mediator or the attorneys will put the agreement or the final consent decree or stipulated agreement in writing and signed by the people involved, with the advice of their attorneys which can then be filed as an order to be approved by the judge assigned to your case.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300
Tempe, AZ 85282
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Learning To Cope With Your Divorce Process

Divorce is a complex issue. To think that you will get through the divorce process and not feel anger or experience conflicting issues is unrealistic. Even the most amicable divorce can bring to the surface feelings of anger and conflict during the process. WHYmediate? has resources that can help you put the conflict and anger to use in a positive way, to use them as an opportunity for developing new coping skills and emotional growth.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.

No matter the reasons for the split and whether you wanted it or not, the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings.

Your divorce launches you into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

Divorce is a stressful and unsettling episode. At a minimum, your major relationship is ending, all sorts of routines are upset, and in the midst of the stress of transition there are legal hoops to jump through before things can be resolved. Add in the volatile emotions that are frequently associated with divorce and you have a difficult situation indeed. In this section, we will talk about practical ways that divorcing people can cope with and make the best of their stressful circumstances.

There are two parts to your divorce process; the emotional parts and the formal legal side. Different coping strategies and skills are appropriate to address each of these aspects of your divorce. Using mediation can reduce some of the stress of the legal part of the process.

Mediation will save you money, time, aggravation, and stress plus give you more control over your case.  You will also have the liberty of talking about things that a judge may not even have the authority to discuss!  The private mediation process is so much more flexible and informal that folks can communicate better. When you add our WHY discovery process to the mediation steps, you get to have all the learning, coaching and growth that accompanies our cutting edge process, along with your mediated settlement – AND, all keeping you out of court and saving you money and time!

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Marriage or Divorce… Your Time of Choice

There is no question that we live in a time when there are endless choices. Career choices, choice of where to settle down, who we settle down with, what cell phone carrier to use, which of the hundreds of television channels to watch or zillions of internet sites to visit, ad infinitum. Everywhere we look, we have choices, lots of choices! Our choices do come in two types… good and bad.

You are free to choose. But, you do have to deal with the consequences from the choices you end up making.

Just a few decades ago, societal pressures on men and women in America to conform by getting married and having children were enormous: couples had their 2.5 kids and men were the breadwinners and women were the stay-at-home-moms. Those who made choices outside the box risked being looked on as living outside the norm.

In some ways, life seemed easier when there were fewer choices because people knew what was expected of them, they knew where the boundary lines were and they knew that there job was to stay within the lines. The problem comes in when things don't go according to the script or when there is no script to follow.

The world has indeed changed dramatically from those times. Nowadays, when we don't have choices, we often feel trapped and unfulfilled. Perhaps this plethora of choices was started by women who felt there needed to be more to life.

Aside from marriage and divorce, some of the choices we enjoy today include not marrying but having children, marrying but not having children, being single and adopting, being a gay couple and adopting, being a lesbian couple and having a child via in vitro fertilization, having children later in life.

Regardless of how we got where we are, we are here, an age and a culture that is defined by choice. We take our freedom for granted and find it hard to imagine that there are still places throughout the world where marriage is expected or even arranged!

Did you know you even have a choice in exactly how you go about getting a divorce?

Divorce courts operate under the same basic rules used by courts that deal with other disputes. Often these rules do not work well in solving divorce disputes, divorcing couples do better working out solutions themselves or using mediation or collaborative law. Working out a solution together. You and your spouse can sit down and reach agreements on how your possessions and debts will be divided, whether one of you will pay the other support, and how much, and if you have children, how they are going to be raised. For some couples, reaching a settlement on these issues will be so easy that it can be accomplished in one meeting. For others, it makes sense to keep the stress level down by spreading the task out over several meetings.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Your Divorce Why

Divorce is a solemn matter. It has a lifelong impact on you, your spouse and your children. The law takes it seriously, too. When asking the state to grant you a divorce, you must have grounds or a reason for it and that varies state-by-state.

However, most states allow both No-Fault and Fault-Based Divorces. Many states have both no-fault and fault-based divorces. Some states have only no-fault divorces, though. No-fault divorces are now allowed in every state and the District of Columbia. If you are reading this from a state other than Arizona check the laws in your state or ask an attorney about which type of divorce is available in your state.

The no-fault reasons are worded differently and varies by the state’s no-fault laws. However, all of the reasons fall into two broad categories: Those based on a breakdown of the marriage and those allowing divorce based on separation of the spouses by agreement for a required period of time.

In most states, you may get a no-fault divorce based on a breakdown of the marriage. The words used to describe a breakdown of the marriage vary from state to state but usually include, Irretrievable Breakdown, Irreconcilable Differences, Incompatibility or Insupportability.

If your marriage is now in question and you're facing the very real divorce dilemma, what is your next step? You may be the one who is deciding should you stay or should you go. Of course you may be the one who just found out that your marriage is over. What are your choices? What should be your next move?

Most articles on divorce are written based on the assumption that once a couple says they want a divorce that they are ready for the divorce. Often that is not really correct.

Most couples who begin the divorce process are unprepared and are often not even on the same page when they begin. It is this lack of preparedness and readiness for a divorce that either causes marriages to end prematurely or divorces to deteriorate into destructive contests. You should consider using mediation as the process to begin and carry out your divorce action.

Here are there reasons that show that the relationship maybe truly over.

You compare your marriage to "the devil you know versus the devil you don't." Once you realize that you're sticking it out because it's more comfortable than the alternative, your relationship is in serious danger.

You have lost all respect for the other person. Doesn't matter why or how it happened, but you realize that neither one of you respects the other anymore.

You realize that you're being treated in a manner that you do not deserve. Could be disrespect. Could be emotional abuse. Could be passive-aggressive behavior. But you know deep down that you deserve better.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce and Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is defined as abuse by one partner against the other in a marriage or other intimate relationship. Pushing, shoving, hitting, sexual assault, and other forms of physical attack are all forms of domestic abuse; so are stalking, intimidation, isolating a partner from others, withholding money, and, of course, emotional abuse of all kinds. 

Divorce can also be a triggering event for domestic violence. In fact, the danger of serious violence is at its highest point when a person acts on a decision to leave an abusive relationship. Learn how to be as safe as you can when you leave an abusive relationship, about restraining orders, and about divorce and domestic violence.

If you are in an abusive relationship, your first priority is very simple: Get yourself and your children to safety. Statistics show that the most dangerous time for women living with batterers is the point at which they leave the relationship. (The vast majority of battered spouses or partners are women, but if you are a battered man, all of this advice applies to you as well.) This means that you will need to find housing somewhere that the abuser can’t find you -- a battered women’s shelter, a hotel, or the home of a friend that the abuser doesn’t know. Don’t go to your parents’ house, your best friend's house, or somewhere else that he’s likely to look for you.

If you have time to plan, start putting aside cash -- again, preferably somewhere other than your house. Leave some clothes and important items with a friend in case you have to leave your house quickly. And start documenting every incident of physical or emotional abuse in your household, whether it involves you or your kids. Make a note of the date and time the incident occurred, and exactly what happened.

You should also prepare to take important papers with you. Having the right documents will help you take legal action or apply for benefits after you leave. Information that you should take with you and keep safe:

    Your credit cards and checkbook

    All social security cards

    Birth certificates

    Proof of income for you, such as pay stubs or copies of W-2 forms

    Copies of bank or credit card statements if you cannot easily access them online, and

    Documentation showing abuse, including photos, police reports and medical records.

    Copies of deeds, leases, and insurance policies

Consider using mediation as the process for your divorce action.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Resolve Your Divorce Conflict In A Positive Learning Environment

Does our title seem like something that isn’t even possible? “Resolve Your Divorce Conflict In A Positive Learning Environment.”  Are you familiar with the saying “You don’t know what you don’t know.”? If you haven’t learned about the advantages of using Divorce Mediation rather than going to the adversarial process of Divorce Court, then it is something you don’t know. Please take a minute and look over some of the advantages of the services from WHYmediate?.

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

We can help you stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

During your mediation session each person involved in the dispute presents a summary of his or her point of view. If you have an attorney, they are often allowed to attend, but you then have to pay for three professionals in the same room at the same time, and most parties do not want to spend that much money these days in these challenging financial times. The mediator will meet with everyone together and may also meet individually with each side. This offers participants the opportunity to communicate to the mediator their real interests in the dispute as well as to vent anger or frustrations outside the presence of the opposing side. The mediator will work with each person until an agreement is reached that is acceptable to everyone. 

Once they do reach agreement, the mediator or the attorneys will put the agreement or the final consent decree or stipulated agreement in writing and signed by the people involved, with the advice of their attorneys which can then be filed as an order to be approved by the judge assigned to your case.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Does Divorce End Your Conflicts?

Many people think that “Divorce” is a solution in and of itself. While divorce can solve many situations in your life it may need additional help to really “fix” the things that are at the root of the problems.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

Divorce is too multifaceted a process to produce simple winners and losers results. People adapt in many different ways, and these patterns of adjusting transform over time.

For most people, those who divorced and even those who divorced and remarried were not happier than those who stuck with their marriages. About half of all divorces come from marriages that are not experiencing high levels of conflict; individuals from these marriages generally experience a decrease in happiness over time.

When individuals end high-conflict marriages, however, they do increase their happiness, on average.

If you have any relationship that isn’t working, you have something to do with it. At the minimum, you are fighting the truth of the way the other person is.

This conflict destroys the experience of love. The other person then gets hurt and gives the hurt back to you. Then you get more upset at the other person. Then the other person gets more defensive and becomes even more upset at you.

Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking, and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem.

Divorce is seldom about who leaves the toothpaste tube cap off or toilet seat up, but about deep seated conflicts. Not all conflicts can be resolved and that is, generally, what starts you down the path to the dissolution of your marriage.

When you cling to someone, you actually may push them away. The person feels suffocated and has to fight for breathing room. Just look at how you feel when someone hangs on to you. Once you are willing to lose someone, that person no longer needs to avoid you.

This can be the last stage that either saves the marriage or allows it to move forward to conflict resolution regardless of the path. Should You Stay or Should You Go!

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Are You Ready For Divorce

You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business. Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce. ~ Dr. Phil McGraw 

Many books and articles on the subject assume that once a couple says they want a divorce, they are truly ready for it. However, that's often not the case. In fact, usually, when couples begin the divorce process, either one or both partners are not really ready at all. Are You On The Quest To Find Mr. Right? 

Divorce professionals including therapists, mediators, and attorneys often take statements like, "I've had it with him," or "My feelings for her have died," as indications that the marriage is already over. Attorneys mistakenly equate being hired with an indication that the couple is ready to divorce. But most couples who begin divorce proceedings are unprepared, causing marriages to end prematurely and divorces to deteriorate into competitive contests. Who Are We Running Away From?

If the marriage is not working for both of you, it’s not working. That’s true for marriage or any other relationship. Women tend to put their needs on the back burner and do what it takes to make their husbands happy, especially once children come along. But marriage is relationship, which means it needs to work for both of you. If it’s not, it’s time to do something different. This might mean divorce, but don’t jump there immediately. The first step is getting honest with yourself about what you want. Becoming more authentic and voicing your needs might change things for the better. 

Try everything you can before divorcing. It’s better to try now than to subject yourself to “what ifs” down the road. What have you got to lose? One major situation to keep in mind is; if you or your children are in physical danger, don’t keep trying. This is a safety first issue! If you’ve tried everything and nothing’s changed, now you have your answer.

Sometimes physical symptoms or signals can send messages that our rational minds can’t hear. I recently heard a talk about how a woman would break out in hives whenever she kissed her former husband. That’s a pretty obvious symptom. You might not have anything that obvious, but you can still use your body as your guide.

When you are really ready for a divorce you need to know your options for ending the marriage. Divorce court is only one option and a much better one for you maybe one you haven’t even heard of… mediation.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Is Your Decision to Divorce A Mutual One?

In some cases, the decision to divorce is mutual. Both the husband and wife come to the conclusion, more or less at the same time, that the marriage has no true future. For other couples, the decision is more of a one-sided realization. One spouse decides that a divorce is necessary, while the other spouse is unprepared for, or even opposed to, the concept of ending the marriage.

The mutual story of this divorce could sound similar to this: “We have not been happy with each other for some time. It seems that we have grown apart and have very different interests now. We don’t make each other happy living together and, as you know, we just fight when we are around each other, and we know that you kids really hate that. We have decided that we will both be better off living apart. The fighting will stop, and we each will be happier living separately.”

Are you still in what might be called the deliberation phase? This is the period of time between which the idea of divorce initially surfaces and the time when divorce is finally implemented. Often, the background of this stage is some form of stressful circumstance for one or both parties, such as a loss of a good job, health or money problems. The more stress there is, the more likely it will impact on the marriage. While individuals are in the midst of this phase, they rarely understand it. 

Mediation during or just after the deliberation phase can give you the tools you need to resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment. Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES! Stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Terminating a period of attachment that may span many years is frequently difficult and may, in some cases, may feel like it is impossible. Viewing their life as inextricably interwoven with that of their ex-partner, they may see half of themselves and their life as terminating with divorce, a perception of death from which they may never recover. 

"No-fault" divorce does not seem to make it easier. The parties inevitably see one party more responsible than the other. "Fault" lives on, at least beyond the legal point of view.

As a general rule, children going through a divorce need three things from their parents: 

First, both parents need to maintain the best possible continuing parenting relationship with the child, regardless of the level of hostility or separation between the parents. 

Second, both parents must not draw the children into the dispute. In other words, do not fight in front of or around the children, and do not try to convince the children of the righteousness of one parent's particular. 

Third, each parent needs to support the other parent's positive and continuing good relationship with the children.  

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce Equals Change, What You Need To Know

Life Will Change More Than You Realize

"I thought I'd enjoy being alone," is a common thought process. But in reality I'm lonely. Whenever my friends complain about how needy their husbands or children are, I say, 'Try living without that.'

Your Life Won't Be More Carefree

As a self-confident, independent woman with a fast-moving career and no children, many women couldn't wait to be free of the pain of their dying marriage.

They no longer have to put with up the husband’s problems. They will be able to do what they want when they want to. But after the divorce, it was their career and the home that began to hold them hostage. They were imprisoned by all the things they thought made them look good."

You Trade One Set Of Problems For Another

Even the most amiable break-ups bring deep wounds. There are always consequences to divorce.

"What I didn't anticipate," says Mike, who hasn't remarried, "was the way my friends perceived me. All of a sudden I became damaged goods. One couple, who'd been my close friends for 20 years, became cool toward me after the divorce."

Feelings Can Be Deceiving

Many newly married, learn that following their feelings can have tragic consequences.

"My husband was away a lot, and most evenings I was home alone. I felt lonely and empty. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered why I ever got married.

"When I met a man who made me feel alive and passionate about life, I concluded these feelings of excitement confirmed I was no longer in love with my husband.

Even if the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence try to consider it may all be a false perception. When you are sure know you have choices that will make the break easier to live with. Consider mediation over divorce court.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Celebrating Mother’s Day Following A Divorce

Mother’s Day, a special time for families to express how much love and appreciation they have for their mothers, but this day can also stir up mixed emotions if a family is dealing with following your divorce. Planning for Mother’s Day after divorce can cause stress or tension between parents and other family members, yet this is a great day to show your kids that even if parents are not together, everyone acknowledges and respects Mom’s role in your family.

If you're divorced and your children aren't scheduled to be with you because Mother's Day has been overlooked in your agreement, try negotiating with your ex, there's Father's Day to offer as an even exchange. If he agrees, then unless you want to be negotiating this every year.

When you're juggling all the legalities of your divorce, you might be tempted to just sit out this holiday ... but don't! Holidays and commemorations are important rituals and they're part of what makes a family. Think about how many of your own memories about your family are centered around an event. Recreating these traditions after divorce is an important part of reassuring your children that you are still a family.

If your ex isn't agreeable to an exchange of parenting time or it's not possible because of other commitments, don't give up on celebrating the day. Look for a day when your children will be with you and you can deem to be Mother's Day. Don't worry that it isn't the actual Mother's Day. Chances are, it won't be the only occasion you'll have to celebrate on an alternate date—it's bound to happen on your birthday and even your children's birthdays at some point. And as your children get older and their activities increase, conflicting schedules will become a fact of life.

Make your plans well in advance. It's important to be prepared in advance of Mother's Day and Father's Day. Agreement on how to handle these days can be included as part of your parenting plan. If at all possible, it's great when the children can spend at least some time with the parent who has the special day happening. Don't leave who's going to be where with whom until the last minute.

Negotiating after the fact with a former spouse is never easy, but you can gain a lot of cooperation in the long-term by being willing to reciprocate. One good turn deserves another. If the children are scheduled to be with their Dad on Mother's Day, ask if you can arrange a switch or at least a part of the day that the kids can be with Mom. Offer to reciprocate in kind when Father's Day rolls around.

In any case at WHYmediate? We wish you have a happy and joyous Mother’s Day!

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Current Divorce Statistics

You may have heard that around 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. The number is similarly high in many other developed nations.

When you break that down by number of marriages:
    41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
    60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
    73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

Divorce Facts

The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

In America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That's nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year.

The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old.

People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all).

Seventy-nine point six percent of custodial mothers receive a support award, while only 29.6 percent of custodial fathers receive a support award.

Forty-six point nine percent of non-custodial mothers totally default on support, while only 26.9 percent of non-custodial fathers totally default on support.

About 1 percent of the total number of currently married same-sex couples gets divorced each year, in comparison to about 2 percent of married straight couples. (Note that the percent of couples that get divorced eventually is 50 percent, but only one or two percent get divorced in a particular year.)

Statistics About The Likelihood of Divorce

Living together prior to getting married can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.

If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14 percent.

People who wait to marry until they are over the age of 25 are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.

If you've attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13 percent.

Considering divorce? You need to know all of your options. At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Contemplating Divorce... Should You Stay or Should You Go?

As you know change is difficult. No change is more basic and fundamental than the dissolution of your marriage. Is fear of change, the one thing holding you back from an adjustment that may be necessary in your life.

Family law attorneys have called January "Divorce Month” for years. In fact, the first Monday of January, when the bulk of the calls from would-be divorcees come in, is even dubbed “Divorce Day,” or "D-Day" for short. Does that affect “change” in the other months?

Or will the loss of that lovin feeling be the straw that breaks your camel’s back? What do you do when you feel that the love you once shared with your mate has disappeared, with no apparent possibility of revival, but you adore your children and can’t imagine spending even one day apart from them?

Maintaining a romantic bond for years on end is challenging, but adding kids to the mix and keeping a romantic connection for the entire length of the relationship is extremely so, if not impossible, even with all the great advice books out there on the topic.

We all know the cliché of the spouses who grow apart after having kids, he wants sex, she’s too exhausted; he feels rejected, she’s resentful, and then the man has what we call a “mid-life crisis,” including an illicit affair with a 20-something. Finally, he leaves his wife, the mother of his children, to go relive his good old carefree days, while she stays in the family home with the responsibility of caring for their children and running the home.

Admittedly, there is no perfect choice when your marriage as you knew it is over. There are just less unhealthy options. 

One thing to keep in mind how you go about the divorce is not without options and mediation is a good one to consider.

At WHYmediate? we can work together to: 
Discover the WHY of each mediation participant to instantly deepen communication. 
Create a Disputants Agenda for 1-3 mediation sessions on Remaining Dispute within an Existing Case. 
Prepare memorandum Agreement for Attorneys or divorcing parties.

Divorce is the act of dissolving your marriage. When that marriage ends the family is transformed. The events that occur after a divorce or separation will directly affect the future of the parents, children, and their relationships, which is why managing and organizing the parental roles is essential as part of our process of resolution.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Is Divorce Different Today?

Marriage rates are at their lowest in the past century, and divorce is slightly less likely today than it was 30 years ago. Even though the divorce rate was rising in the 1970s, the number of children involved in each divorce has been falling since the late 1960s. Fertility and pregnancy control made possible by "the pill" and legalized abortion may help to explain both the recent decline in divorces and a recent rise in out-of-wedlock births.

The dynamics of the family are changing as well as the feelings of and about divorce. No matter society or your feelings about divorce the statistics show the likely hood still is that your marriage for whatever the route cause may end in a divorce.

These causes include the aforementioned rise of the birth control pill; higher incomes for women and greater access to education; and new household labor-saving technologies that make it more likely a marriage today will involve people with "similar incomes and interests" as opposed to individuals with clearly defined and distinctly different domestic and wage earning roles. In particular, they argue that marriages can no longer be characterized as having household specialization and children as the central tenet. These changes mean that couples today have different expectations about the benefits of both forming a union and formalizing that union through marriage.

Many people mistakenly believe that money is a primary cause of divorce. It didn't even make the top ten.

According to the national Center for Health Statistics, the woman files two-thirds of divorce cases. A more amazing statistic is that when the couple are college-educated, divorces initiated by the wife is a whopping 90-percent! What's more interesting that for the past one-hundred years the primary filer has been the woman. The divorce rate began climbing at a drastic rate in the 70s. This statistic correlates with the fact that beginning in 1969, states began adopting "no fault" divorce laws and by 1985, all states had such a law in place.

The "no-fault" divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Prior to these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty had to be proven for a divorce to be granted.

This may be the reason why many people think that it's no big deal for a woman to go through divorce. The truth is that divorce is extremely painful for all parties involved. Most women do not want a divorce. They took their vows seriously and believed they would be married for life. They want a partner, a friend, a lover and a mate that cherishes them. 

Even though many women work today, they are still expected to be the primary housekeeper and main caregiver of their children. This adds an extreme amount of undue pressure on her. This means that women actually have two full time jobs. In many workplaces, women are still dealing with inequality, watching male counterparts get promotions, as they are passed over time and time again.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions