Can Mediation Lead To Reconciliation?

In most cases the process of divorce starts with one half of the couple wanting a divorce to happen and the other half wanting to save the marriage. Many of these couples are not familiar with the mediation process or even what it means.  That can lead to a reluctance on either side to not want to participate. 

Just what is mediation? One dictionary definition is; an intervention in a dispute in order to resolve it. Some folks think ... arbitration. But how does that apply to a failing or failed marriage? One of the first questions asked of clients is “Has there been a decision to divorce?”  They are asked because couples seek help at various stages of a marriage crisis. Sometimes both people are quite sure they are ready for divorce. Most often, only one half of the couple is.

And sometimes, neither party is sure they want a divorce, but they do know their marriage is in crisis. In that case, I will ask them if they have any interest in trying to repair their marriage if it were possible. Sometimes people say “yes!”

How can mediation help in those instances when couples want help restoring their marriage? What is the difference between mediation and reconciliation in that case?

While both marriage counseling and mediation often help the couple open new lines of communication and improve exchanges, there are some distinct disparities. Marriage counselers generally employ different techniques to explore personality and relationship dysfunction and to establish new models of behavior to revive the rapport.

In contrast, mediators help couples resolve disputes and solve specific problems. They are forward-focused and do not tend to analyze past behaviors. A mediated conversation can guide couples to find shared values and devise helpful guidelines to make their family life run more smoothly. Or how to uncouple the relationship in ways that work for both halves.

We know that we are helpful to every divorcing couple we work with. However, it was a wonderful surprise when couples decided at the end of mediations to try to reconcile their differences and put their marriage back together.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Great Grandparents Need Visitation Rights Too

We have all heard of Grandparent rights, but what about the rights for great grandparents? Do they have a right to enforce their rights to visit their great grandchildren? Perhaps even more important, is enforcement the best way to see children? We think that using mediation is a far better way to reach an amicable way to arrange for both sides to make visitation a party rather than a fight every time it needs to happen.

Arizona is nearly unique in that it is specifically grants great-grandparents the same visitation rights as grandparents. Those rights are, however, fairly rigidly defined. One of these conditions must be met: the marriage of the parents of the child must have been dissolved for at least three months, a parent must be deceased, a parent must have been officially declared missing for at least three months or the child must have been born out of wedlock.

If parents or guardians encourage or at least allow great grandparents to visit their grandchildren, then no formal process is required. But when a great grandparent (or other nonparent) approaches the court to obtain visitation rights, they must prove that it is in the child's best interests.

Rather than rely on the adversarial process needed for a court to enforce rights a mediation process may be able to reach agreements where both sides feel they have been fairly served.

Great grandparents have rights, in some circumstances, to be awarded great grandparenting time with their grandchildren.  Recognition of great grandparents’ rights is a fairly recent trend.  Great grandparents, grandparents, stepparents, and other caretakers often form deep, meaningful relationships with the children in their lives. Yet when death, divorce, or estrangement tears families apart, these important people in a child’s life may find themselves stranded and feeling they are without options.  We can help to open the door and establish quality time with the affected children.

It must be stressed that in this discussion we are talking about the way the family law is written in Arizona and it does not apply to all states and jurisdictions. We would hope that the laws can be reformed so that all great grandparent’s rights get protected.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce, Raw Emotions and Clear Thinking

As you go through the process of deciding that your marriage is over and that process being completed you will experience a full roller-coaster ride of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest of lows. Divorce is actual a complex process, with many small details that need to be dealt with properly so that both sides receive a proper and legal settlement. Mediation is often the best way to reach a settlement.

In the initial phase of most marital break ups, emotions often hinder the participants' ability to be reasonable. In addition, it is also very common for only one partner to be ready to divorce. He or she wishes to begin settlement negotiations, and the other party wishes to work on saving the marriage. This difference in motivation tends to affect the chances of mediation's success. It is extremely difficult to negotiate a price with someone who is dead set against buying the item at any cost.

Can you imagine trying to know what needs to be covered on your own and reach settlement under those emotional conditions without a professional negotiator or mediator involved in that activity. Using a mediator who is not emotional involved and has the experience to know what needs covered and how to achieve the results you want, is the way to go.

No two marriages are the same, and so it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either. In fact, if you are contemplating divorce, you have several options about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Let’s rule out DIY right up front. This method often ends up with one party getting the shaft, so to speak. Collaboration sounds nice but couples who are getting divorced are seldom likely to be in a place mentally where collaboration makes sense.

That leaves the two most common processes, mediation and litigation. These days, the majority of divorcing couples choose the “traditional” model of litigated divorce. Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Because contrary to popular belief, divorce usually does not involve two people mutually agreeing to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral, one party wants the divorce and the other does not. That split of purpose is why mediation makes the most sense.

In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral mediator who helps both parties come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Does Depression Relate To The Divorce Process?

Your health is the most important possession you have. Without it nothing else matters. An unhealthy relationship can trigger all sorts of health issues including depression.

Contested or not, divorces are among the most stressful events that anyone experiences. Problems develop when divorce-related anxiety or depression is ignored and not treated properly. Anxiety and depression may impair your ability to participate in the divorce process and make sound decisions – you may end up making decisions that are not in your best interest. These issues must be identified and dealt with appropriately and immediately from the beginning of your divorce. If not, you may have bigger problems down the road. The question remains though: “How do I deal with divorce-related anxiety and depression?”

Just one point to consider that using the process of mediation to settle your marital issues is far less stressful that the typical adversarial process of a divorce trial. At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.

A divorce is the legal ending of a marriage. Every state has different requirements in terms of how to complete a divorce, but all require a judge to review and approve the divorce settlement or, if the spouses can't agree to a settlement, decide how property will be divided and how parenting time will be shared. Until you have a court order signed by a judge, you're not officially divorced and you can't remarry.

Some say stress is good for you. It keeps you alert, motivated and primed to respond to danger. As anyone who has faced a work deadline or competed in a sport knows, stress mobilizes the body to respond, improving performance. Yet too much stress, or chronic stress may lead to major depression in susceptible people. Is your relationship causing you to be stressed? How much stress can you handle?

Sustained or chronic stress, in particular, leads to elevated hormones such as cortisol, the "stress hormone," and reduced serotonin and other neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine, which has been linked to depression. When these chemical systems are working normally, they regulate biological processes like sleep, appetite, energy, and sex drive, and permit expression of normal moods and emotions.

When the stress response fails to shut off and reset after a difficult situation has passed, it can lead to depression in susceptible people.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Use Mediation To Revisit Support Payments

They say the only thing that is constant is change… if you wonder how long that has been talked about you might be interested to know it is from Heraclitus of Ephesus, (535 BC – 475 BC) he was a Greek philosopher, known for his doctrine of change being central to the universe, and for establishing the term Logos in Western philosophy as meaning both the source and fundamental order of the Cosmos.

 Has your world changed? Do you need to revisit what seemed like a fair settlement a few years (or months) ago? Change can be brought on by a decrease in income… different job, layoff or increased expenses or a change in health status.  Part of that could apply to both yourself and your child or children. Any change that would affect you as a couple can be the starting point to use mediation to revisit your support payments (alimony) or payments to your children.

Child support can be modifiable. This includes prior orders for child support under a previous divorce, paternity case, or any support order established by the decrees or rulings. You can never designate child support as un-modifiable. Any time a parent establishes the basic requirements for modification, that parent may file a petition for modification of child support.

The most common reason for a change in child support is a change in income. The change can be upward or downward and may involve either the parent paying child support, or the parent receiving child support. There is no absolute amount the income must change before filing for modification.

Certain changes in child related expenses could justify changes in child support. A couple of the more common changes: 

Daycare as an example – When daycare expenses have been incorporated into child support, any change in daycare can serve as a reason to modify support. Or if one parent experiences trouble sharing the cost of needed-daycare, they can address that problem by asking for the cost to be included in child support. An important requirement is for the daycare to be related to employment needs.

Health Insurance for Child or Parent – Most child support calculations include the cost of health insurance for the children. Each parent pays for that insurance in a proportion equivalent to his or her net income. There may be a need to file for child support modification when health insurance premiums change.

Each new year might be an excellent time to consider if your support is doing the job you intended it to do.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

What Causes Couples To Divorce?

Do you know the most common reasons for a divorce? Some of the most common are:

Lack of commitment
Too much arguing
Physical and emotional abuse
Financial problems
Substance abuse and cheating
Marrying too young
Unrealistic expectations
Lack of equality in the relationship
Lack of preparation for marriage

Usually there's a combination of factors that lead to a divorce. Your situation, however, will be different from everybody else's. There'll be lots of personal and shared aspects involved in your relationship. When your marriage ends, it's natural to seek a convenient scapegoat -- namely your spouse or that slightly flirty co-worker you never trusted. Assigning responsibility can help you make sense of life during this confusing, overwhelming time. But ultimately, relationships aren't that simple. Many factors affect whether or not a couple survives the challenges of marriage. And many of those factors were determined long before you tied the knot. 

Here are two to consider. The National Center for Family and Marriage Research found that couples who don't share bank accounts are 145 percent more likely to end up divorced. Also according to the same study, couples who had expensive weddings may be more likely to end up divorced. Women with at least a $20,000 wedding bill were 3.5 times more likely to divorce than women with $5,000 to $10,000 weddings.

A study from Emory University found that the rate of divorce is inversely associated with length a couple has dated before marriage. A couple who dates for three years is 39 percent less likely to get divorced than a couple who dated for less than one year. The same study from Emory found that spouses with substantial age gaps are far more likely to end up divorced. In fact, spouses with a 10-year age difference are 39 percent more likely to divorce than spouses who are the same age.

While some of these problems can be fixed and divorce prevented in a few cases. It takes a commitment from both sides. That healing process can take professional help to make the changes possible. A mediation process can bring your marriage to a close in the best possible way. At WHYmediate?, you are given the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

New Year, New Life Are You Thinking Divorce In 2016

New year, new life, has that idea crossed your mind for 2016? Some folks New Year’s Resolutions involve losing weight, eating right or going back to school. Some folks, on the other hand, are thinking about shedding a lot more weight, a whole person, their spouse.

Are you looking for the best way to make that happen? Consider the right way to get divorced using mediation. Why mediate? There are many advantages to mediation.

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

Stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

There are three main reasons for using the New Year for your divorce timing. The first has to do with a form of New Year’s Resolution which leads couples, who have struggled in their marriage for years, to make a resolution to put an end to it this year. The second reason is that holidays always bring stress as well as disappointment when the idealized view of the perfect holiday does not materialize. The holidays become the “straw that broke the camel’s back” in an already struggling marriage. The third reason is that they want to get through one last holiday as an intact family before embarking on this major life change.

If divorce is your 2016 New Year’s Resolution, be wise and choose a good divorce mediation program. It will be one of the challenging years of your life, but it will take a lot less time, money and be less stressful using mediation..

At WHYmediate?, Find out why mediation will allow you to resolve many different types of conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the upcoming days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

Using Mediation To Improve Your 2016

Every year and perhaps nearly every day we use forms of mediation to help us navigate our lives.  There are a number of ways to approach conflict management and resolution, which range from least to most coercive. Conflicts need to be avoided, talked out, negotiated, arbitrated, adjudicated, resolved by legislation, by political action, or by violent force.

Mediation is the attempt to help parties in a disagreement to hear one another, to minimize the harm that can come from disagreement (e.g. hostility or ‘demonizing’ of the other parties) to maximize any area of agreement, and to find a way of preventing the areas of disagreement from interfering with the process of seeking a compromise or mutually agreed outcome.

Mediation, as used in law, is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR), a way of resolving disputes between two or more parties with concrete effects. Typically, a third party, the mediator, assists the parties to negotiate a settlement. Disputants may mediate disputes in a variety of domains, such as commercial, legal, diplomatic, workplace, community and family matters.

The term "mediation" broadly refers to any instance in which a third party helps others reach agreement. More specifically, mediation has a structure, timetable and dynamics that "ordinary" negotiation lacks. The process is private and confidential, possibly enforced by law. Participation is typically voluntary. The mediator acts as a neutral third party and facilitates rather than directs the process. Mediation is becoming a more peaceful and internationally accepted solution in order to end conflic. Mediation can be used on every scale of problems.

Mediators use various techniques to open, or improve, dialogue and empathy between disputants, aiming to help the parties reach an agreement. Much depends on the mediator's skill and training.

At WHYmediate?, we can help you with mediation in many areas. To name just a few of the area we specialize in; prenuptial agreements, annulments, lgbt divorce, paternity, parenting time, grandparent rights, step parent adoption and child support.

One of primary advantages of mediation is privacy. While court hearings are public, mediation remains strictly confidential. No one but the parties to the dispute and the mediator or mediators know what happened. Confidentiality in mediation has such importance that in most cases the legal system cannot force a mediator to testify in court as to the content or progress of mediation. Many mediators destroy their notes taken during a mediation once that mediation has finished. The only exceptions to such strict confidentiality usually involve child abuse or actual or threatened criminal acts.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special challenges in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions