What Are the Advantages to Divorce?

As we all know the word Divorce generally has negative connotations. Getting divorced may bring about personal, emotional, relational and financial advantages. Divorced people sometimes pursue enriching and confidence-building activities they gave up during marriage. Some people also expand or renew social relationships and gain independence after separating from their marital relationship.

In some cases, people lose touch with their personal identity and self-interests during marriage. A divorce may cause a person to reflect on passions and preferred activities. Being independent again allows someone time and freedom from pressure, allowing that person to make choices that are self-serving.

While researchers love to praise marriage as a health-boost (they clearly were never stuck in a miserable marriage.) And the rest of us tend to think that a marriage is better than no marriage at all. And while all the stats and studies love to tout the benefits of being hitched, we often forget that it's not about the marriage as much as it is the quality of the marriage. There's been plenty of science to prove that an unhappy, conflict-riddled marriage can be worse for you health-wise than if you were single. And if you hadn't broken up, you would still be at an increased risk for heart disease, cancer, arthritis, diabetes and depression.

When you fall in love again, don't be intimidated by the idea that you don't have what it takes to make a marriage work. You actually have better odds at making your marriage last having been married once before. In fact, a study found that people who remarry are less likely to get divorced. According to the Marriage Foundation, 45 percent of first-time marriages are destined for the divorce courts. Compare that to 31 percent of second-time newlyweds ... how do you like your odds, now?

A recent study indicates that divorced women are often better off in later life. Researchers at the University of Connecticut, Social Security Administration, and National Institute of Aging dug back through 40 years of Census Bureau and Social Security data to see how divorce affected women's earnings over their lifetimes. It turns out that the earnings growth was greatest for divorced women who never remarried. They were more likely to delay drawing Social Security benefits, resulting in higher lifetime benefits than married women. It looks like financial independence maybe a bigger benefit!

Realize that you can re-decorate and re-organize your home, and make it exactly the way you want it? Pink and shabby chic and feminine. Do whatever you’d like! You will be the boss!

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve your Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce and Holiday Visitation

With the Fourth of July just around the corner the subject of holiday visitations seemed an appropriate topic for our blog. Are you happy with the visitations you have as a result of your divorce? Did you use a divorce court or did you use mediation for your divorce?

What happens when your holiday falls on the ex’s weekend? Did you work that our in advance? Who gets priority when a date conflicts with a week or weekend that normally belongs to the other parent?

Having a holiday visitation schedule can make life easier because it lays out where the children will be spending each holiday without having to continually negotiate with your ex.

While each state has its own individual visitation recommendations for holidays, parents generally rotate holidays such as Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving. The children are usually with the mother on Mother's Day and the father on Father's Day. When the parents live far apart, the schedule needs to be adjusted to compensate for travel times.

Christmas vacation is usually split evenly between the parents. For example, one parent will have the first half of the Christmas break and the other parent will have the last half. Ideally, to be fair, this may need to alternate every year.

While the holiday visitation schedule usually takes precedence over the regular repeating schedule, so both parents need to take this into consideration when setting up their visitation schedule for the year. For example, if the non-custodial parent will miss the regular visitation time due to the other parent having that holiday, the regular schedule will resume after the holiday.

Even with a holiday schedule in place, there may still be questions that come up.

No make-up time is given for days that are missed because of the holiday schedule, and no additional time is added to placement time to account for holidays.  The holiday schedule is based solely on the holidays identified in the order. There is a good chance that a judge could miss the 4th of July, or maybe the judge considered it and decided not to add the holiday because it would interrupt the summer schedule.  Regardless of why the 4th of July is not identified, the terms of the order govern until they are modified by a subsequent court order.

An order may be modified in two ways: the two parties can agree to modify the order and submit a stipulation for the court’s approval, or one party can request a modification by filing a motion. 

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Do You Know The Best Way To Divorce?

Does our title seem like something that you are looking for? “Resolve Your Divorce Conflicts in a Positive Learning Environment.”  

Are you familiar with the saying “You don’t know what you don’t know.”? If you haven’t learned about the advantages of using Divorce Mediation rather than going to the adversarial process of Divorce Court, then it is something you don’t know. Please take a minute and look over some of the advantages of the services from WHYmediate?.

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

We can help you stay out of court; avoid the legal fees associated with high court costs and still resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

During your mediation session each person involved in the dispute presents a summary of his or her point of view. If you have an attorney, they are often allowed to attend, but you then have to pay for three professionals in the same room at the same time, and most parties do not want to spend that much money these days in these challenging financial times. The mediator will meet with everyone together and may also meet individually with each side. This offers participants the opportunity to communicate to the mediator their real interests in the dispute as well as to vent anger or frustrations outside the presence of the opposing side. The mediator will work with each person until an agreement is reached that is acceptable to everyone. 

Once they do reach agreement, the mediator or the attorneys will put the agreement or the final consent decree or stipulated agreement in writing and signed by the people involved, with the advice of their attorneys which can then be filed as an order to be approved by the judge assigned to your case.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce Resolution In The Best Environment

First, going through a divorce is hard. Learning to do it in the very best way does make a bad situation better.

More or less half of folks who marry end up divorced. In divorce as in marriage, friendly trumps fighting for creating positive outcomes for everyone. A collaborative divorce process speeds up the inevitable grief at loss of what was and sets the stage for a better future.

Divorce and relationship endings of all types tend to create emotional distress. The process is often a painful one. Negative emotions like anger, resentment, disappointment, shame, guilt, and anxiety can tempt folks to want to dump blame on the other and to resort to punishment. Yet blame and impulses to punish or get revenge back will not heal anyone's emotional pain, relieve shame, or ease resentments. They just add to the emotional damage of everyone involved.  

The alternative to going to war with fighting, accusations, blame and attempts to use the courts to get even begins with building an honest understanding of what each of you did that led to your divorce.

While coming to this kind of understanding on your own, reviewing your marriage together to build a blame-free narrative is ideal. A legal mediation specialist, a trusted friend, family member, religious counselor or therapy professional may be able to help you. Look back at the history of how your marriage slipped from loving to anger and distance, identifying especially the key factors that undermined the love bond for each of you.

A good divorce mediator will pay close attention to the power balance between the spouses and uses specific techniques to address the imbalances. If one spouse persists in dominating behavior, the mediator will call a stop to the mediation rather than allowing it to continue. One caveat: Even the best mediator can be unaware of a power imbalance if it only goes on outside of the mediation sessions and the spouses don't let their mediator know about these conflicts.

Within mediation, the spouses discover they can stand up for themselves and what they really want. They don't have lawyers speaking for them and telling them what to do. As a result, people who mediate often come out of their divorce with enhanced communication skills and self-confidence, as well as agreements they can really live with.

Using mediation almost always takes less time than litigating a divorce. Unless the spouses have worked everything out ahead of time, hiring lawyers to handle the divorce will almost always take as long or longer than mediating, even if the lawyers are able to settle out of court.

Keep in mind that at At WHYmediate?, we work to give you the tools you need to help resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce From a Psychological Point of View

The dissolution of a marriage is a legal act that may not always coincide with a couple's emotional tearing asunder. Divorce is typically a painful process for all concerned. While it can take adults time to regain psychological equilibrium, whether or not children ever recover a stable perspective continues to be debated. Post-divorce hostility between adults, in addition to directly harming kids, is a sure indicator that the emotional split is incomplete.

In the U.S., divorce rates have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century, and especially since the 1970s, when no-fault divorce was instituted. Some experts contend that the easing of divorce laws has helped make marriage stronger by rooting it more deeply in personal choice, although it does little to give people the skills needed to work out the inevitable difficulties that arise in marriage.

Keep in mind that at At WHYmediate?, we work to give you the tools you need to help resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

Men:

For many men, a wife's request for a divorce is the first inkling that something is wrong with the relationship. Their perception is that it hits them out of the blue.

Truth is, such men just don't recognize the signs. Take one common pattern: A wife snipes at everything he does, but he never stops to ask why she's always angry. Women are often living their husband's emotional lives for them, protecting them, not expecting much of them, and then divorcing them for living up to those low expectations that they set.

For most males, that means recovering the sense of emotional connectedness they did not have as part of their upbringing, like learning how to take responsibility for contacting others and building their own supportive social network.

Although many men will almost instinctively try to isolate themselves, it's imperative that they get a push in the opposite direction. So such guys need to make contact with their own family of origin, from whom they often feel cut off. They also need guides for them to actively cultivate new friends.

Children:
Your children are having their own experience. Let them.

The two of you:
Did you start out friends? If your marital love was born out of a deep, abiding friendship, and your divorce rekindles that friendship, your children - and your own wellbeing - are blessed.

Root of all evil:
Having money and stuff to split is bad. Not having money or stuff to split is bad.

Whymediate?, making a difference through conflict resolution... one couple at a time.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300
Tempe, AZ 85282
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

The Myths Surrounding The Divorce Process

There are a lot of myths about divorce that keep infecting our society. We're used to seeing divorce in the media as either a grand emotional battle or something that involves just "signing the papers" and it's over. In real life, divorce is generally none of those things. Divorce is also a tough time even if you have the best lawyers or easiest case, so don't be afraid to reach out to friends, family or other groups and professionals for support and help.

Myth Number One: Divorce Harms Children
Oh course divorce can be stressful on kids, but not so much, harmful. What does the most damage is parents fighting in front of the kids.

Think about it. Who likes to be around conflict all the time? Tension is contagious and kids in particular don't have the tools or defenses to handle angry exchanges from their parents. There is a great deal of research indicating that what children need more than anything is a stable and peaceful environment. That may be with parents living together, but it can also occur when parents are living apart. The key is that parents get along and stay present for their children. Kids shouldn’t be caught in parental crossfire, used as a pawn or treated like a surrogate spouse.

Myth Number Two: Divorce Equals Failure
Whether it’s a starter marriage (a marriage that ends within five years and doesn’t result in kids) or a marriage that has stood the test of time, divorce doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

The one measure we have to determine whether a marriage is successful or not is by how long it lasts. Yet, there are many people who have healthier, better lives after divorce. Perhaps the couple has raised healthy kids who’ve flown the coop and now they want to take a different direction in their lives. Why is that a failure? Many times the media clamors to place the blame somewhere, yet there was no one and nothing to blame. A marriage simply ended with both of their blessings.

Myth Number Three: Second Marriages Are More Likely To End In Divorce
Some 45 per cent of marriages between first-timers are destined for the divorce courts, while just 31 per cent of second weddings will end in failure, the Marriage Foundation has claimed.

The results suggested that those on their second union benefit from age and experience, and are more ready to commit, and will have carefully weighed the pros and cons of getting married rather than slide into it without much thought.

If divorce is a consideration visit our website to find out about the smart alternative to divorce court and the adversarial lawyer battles.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to help resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Stress and the Divorce Process

We all know that stress can be bad for your overall health. Very few things are as stressful as staying in a relationship that is wrong for you.

With all the pressures and worries we may have in our lives today, living with chronic stress may be the norm, not the exception. Now, what if you have to add divorce to that mix.

There are two types of chronic stressors with divorce situations. There are the “known” stressors: having to start over; making the decision to keep the house or move; the loss of the familiar life and lifestyle; paying high attorney bills; having less money to live on; holding your kid’s reaction to the divorce and not being able to tuck them in on a nightly basis.  

In divorce, what people don’t know can cause much greater fear and stress than what they do know. It’s a scary time indeed and the outcome is in the hands of the professionals you hire, how cooperative your some-day-ex will be as well as how the laws are interpreted and how well the courts view your position.

First and foremost you need to stop playing the blame game. Yes, bad things happen to good people! We all know this. But if you suddenly find yourself picking up the remnants of a broken relationship, the last thing you need to do is start the blame game. No woulda, shoulda’s or coulda’s can change the situation. We are subject to our own flawed human traits and, yes, a relationship that fails is caused by many different reasons. Learn from them and learn to move on.

If you are a newly single mom, there is a greater reason for avoiding the blame game. The children are watching how you handle the situation, and you need to show them that you can stay positive and move through the transition without remaining angry and stressed. The more you project a healthy perspective and develop a comfortable daily routine for your family, the better your children will react.

When we end a relationship, it is common to focus on the loss. You have lost a partner, and if left unchecked, you may begin to focus on your own loneliness and your diminished family. At this fragile time of transition, you need to network with friends and establish or re-establish friendships from the past. Healthy networking is important during this time.

When dealing with the emotional strains of a divorce, it is not unusual to want to become isolated. But relationships matter and becoming suddenly single does not mean you have to go through life alone. Going through a divorce can tear down even the strongest self-esteem.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to help resolve your conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Plans for Father’s Day? Long Term?

Father’s Day is likely to be one of the two of the most emotional days on the calendar for divorced parents. Sadly, sometimes divorced parents find themselves in a battle for time with their children on Mothers or Father’s Day. Thanks to the media and greeting card companies, these two days are loaded with feelings and symbolism. Not having your kids with you on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day heightens feelings of loss, guilt and sadness that frequently accompany divorce for adults.

Instead of turning Father’s Day into a power struggle, battlefield, or statement about who is the better parent, think about your children and what behavior will help them have the best experience - a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to remember. For nearly all kids, that means not having to choose between parents. No hassle, no fuss, no pressure - just time to celebrate and spend time with mom or as on June 21st 2015, dad.

It should go without saying that on Mother’s Day, children spend time with their mother. And on Father’s Day, children spend time with their father. Of course this only applies when children and parents live within driving distance.

When parents and children live outside of normal driving range, it becomes the responsibility of the custodial parent to help their young children remember this coming Father’s Day. Initiate a telephone call or web-cam connection or help your kids do this on their own. If your kids are older, a bit of gentle nudging may be needed.

Make a mental oath to avoid all manner of conflict related to all the important holidays. Your children will thank you many times over. Do everything to keep them out of the middle. As far as your children should be concerned, there is no big deal about spending Mother’s Day with mom and Father’s Day with dad.

If the holiday scheduling is considered, during mediation is a great time to set these guidelines and rules well in advance of the actual holiday occurrences. One of primary advantages of mediation is settling questions like this before they raise their ugly heads later on in your new life.

With Full Service Mediation we provide for the following services;

Discover the WHY of each mediation participant to instantly deepen communication.
Create and draft initial pleading to open your case in court.
Manage the court, file all motions and court communication throughout the entire legal process.
Provide 3 to 5 mediation sessions to address all issues surrounding your dispute or case.
Facilitate intermittent discussions by email or phone with all parties as necessary to forward case.
Prepare final Agreement of Parenting Plan to be filed with court, arrange notary signings and file.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

What Is Divorce Mediation?

Did you know that mediation is one of the most frequently used methods of negotiating a divorce settlement? The process of divorce mediation, allows you and your spouse -- or, in some cases, the two of you and your respective lawyers to hire a neutral third party, called a mediator, to meet with you in an effort to discuss and resolve the issues in your divorce. The mediator doesn't make decisions for you, but serves as a facilitator to help you and your spouse figure out the best solutions to various issues.

Mediation is flexible and confidential. In mediation, the couple, with the help of the mediator, works out agreements on the above issues. Sometimes agreements come easy, sometimes they take time and a lot of work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes. It is the mediators job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm ideas, reality test the couple, teach empathy and assist the couple in their decision making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad prior memories are brought up.

The length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed to prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the both of you and your willingness to do what is in the best interests of your children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not able to calmly discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly recommended that you avoid it at all costs. When couples try to work out issues on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the sand", it makes mediation more difficult and hence more time consuming.

While most people believe a finalized divorce means no more negotiations, there can be unforeseen circumstances that arise after the divorce. As children develop, different issues may need to be dealt with. In some cases health related concerns may need to be addressed as the child ages. Many divorcees make the mistake of not returning to mediation as these issues come up, something that can lead to troublesome co-parenting. Pursuing mediation will help make co-parenting easier, and will keep the former couple working toward shared goals instead of fighting for his or her individual wishes which never benefits the children.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services

4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300

Tempe, AZ 85282

(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

The Timing of Divorces

We all know that June is a favorite month to get married. Did you know that the month when most divorces occur is January?  Strangely enough January also has the fewest number of marriages. Do you think there may be a correlation there?

There is a surge in divorce filings on the first Monday of the year, divorce attorneys say, and that continues for the rest of the month of January.

While December is thought of as a joyous month it hides pain for a lot of folks. Family problems seem to reach their peak during the holidays and build from Thanksgiving through Christmas. The pressure of dysfunctional families and overspending are just two of the problems that raise their ugly heads during this period. Is it any wonder that this spills into January?  The new start of a new year may move to a new start in life as well. What was your new year’s resolution?

Unhappy couples are reluctant to break up the family during Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas or New Year’s day. After that all bets are off. Overall the divorce rate is higher from January through March. While divorces do happen year round the peak period is the first three months of the year.

And divorcees appear to like company. January 4th was the busiest day of the year for online dating with traffic peaking at 8:52 pm EST, according to dating website Match.com. The country’s largest dating website.

It seems that a lot of attorneys take the last two weeks of the year off to get ready for the rush. January really does see a lot of divorces.

This is not to say that January is the best time to get a divorce, it just statistically the month when most divorces do occur. Perhaps, the best day to get divorced is the day before you hit a big lottery jackpot.

Disenchanted husbands and wives begin searching for information on divorce immediately after the holidays. Many of them should also consider mediation as a way to end their marriage rather than the traditional divorce court route.

Remember divorce is never the time for oral agreements. Your about-to-be ex can (will) promise you the moon, but without clarifying details in your official agreement, these promises won't hold up in court, so-to-speak. Normally there is a clause in the agreement that it is the full agreement and no other papers or alleged oral agreements will be considered. It may not feel right to make everything so official, but in the end, your ex-spouse won’t be able to snatch away your furniture or deny visitations. You have it in writing.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

The Basics Of An Arizona Divorce

Divorce in Arizona

Divorce is a court process to legally end a marriage. In Arizona divorce is called "dissolution of marriage" and court papers use the term dissolution of marriage instead of divorce. In addition to ending the marriage, the court also has the authority to divide certain property and debts of the spouses and in some cases to order one spouse to pay support (alimony) to the other. If children are involved, the court also can decide custody, parenting time (formerly called visitation) and child support issues.

Only the court can legally end a marriage. However, spouses are free to agree to as many terms of the divorce as possible. Because agreements (or mediation) between spouses leave fewer issues for the court to decide, the result often is more satisfying to the people involved and may speed the process of concluding the court case. 

What is a divorce "Decree?" The Decree is the final order of the court legally ending the marriage. Spouses are not "divorced" until the court grants the divorce and the Decree is signed by the judge. The Decree may also contain other orders deciding how the spouses’ property and debts will be divided and what financial support, if any, will be paid by one spouse to the other. If children are involved, the Decree also will provide for custody, parenting time and child support. 

Unlike some other states, for most marriages Arizona does not require that one of the spouses prove blame or responsibility in order to end the marriage. Under Arizona law, the only question for the court is whether the marriage is "irretrievably broken," meaning that there is no reasonable chance that the spouses want to keep the marriage together. 

State law (section 25-325, Arizona Revised Statutes) allows a woman to return to ("restore") the use of her former name at  the time the  marriage is ended. A request must be made to the court at any time before the divorce Decree is signed by the judge.  Usually, the request is included in the first papers filed in the divorce case. 

Using mediation, disputants often learn for the first time about the core of themselves and the other party – their spouse, their boss, their child, their employee. And that makes a big difference in the mediation process. This process allows you to grow and understand these issues while streamlining your divorce process.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Cross Examinations In Divorce Court

Is today’s title a bit more than scary? If you choose to use a family court for your divorce and it is a contentious divorce you could end up on the stand and under cross examination.

At the conclusion of the direct examination by your attorney (where you have testified to your side of your case), opposing counsel has the right to ask you questions about your testimony.

This is cross-examination. The purpose of cross-examination is to support your spouses' version of the facts and/or to discredit your testimony. This may be accomplished many ways, including trying to establish bias, incapacity or lack of knowledge, lack of opportunity to observe facts, and prior inconsistent statements.

What are some of the questions that your spouses’ attorney likely to ask.  What follows are just a few questions you may face.

If you have testified to something that is favorable to your spouse, you may be asked a question about this first. This will emphasize the positive testimony about your spouse.

Most opposing attorneys are forceful in their cross-examinations. Some of this is because their client expects it. Some of it is for harassment to upset you so you lose your confidence. Initially, some attorneys appear friendly. Don't be lulled into believing they are there for any reason other than representing your spouse.

Opposing counsel will try to prove everything else you said is untrue or questionable, or that you really didn't have the opportunity to observe the true facts to make your conclusion. Did you say something that can open the door to put you or your actions in a bad light? What does your spouse know that you don’t want the world in general to know about you?

Using mediation will help you avoid all of this. Mediation is a closed procedure.  You can be more open and forth coming as the entire session is private and confidential. The mediator and the people in the dispute must maintain the confidentiality of the information disclosed during mediation.

In mediation, participants often learn for the first time about the core of themselves and the other party – their spouse, their boss, their child, their employee. And that makes a big difference in the mediation process.  

The procedure for requesting a trial varies from county to county. You should seek the advice of an attorney if you are not able to determine how to obtain a trial date. Many courts have information and forms available to the public either in their law libraries or their websites.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Are You Considering Mediation To Solve Your Divorce Dilemma

Your questions might include, “What is mediation and how does it work?”

At our mediation sessions each person involved in the dispute presents a summary of his or her point of view. If you have an attorney, they are often allowed to attend, but you then have to pay for three professionals in the same room at the same time, and most parties do not want to spend that much money these days in these challenging financial times. The mediator will meet with everyone together and may also meet individually with each side. This offers participants the opportunity to communicate to the mediator their real interests in the dispute as well as to vent anger or frustrations outside the presence of the opposing side.

Your mediator will work with each person until an agreement is reached that is acceptable to everyone. Once they do reach agreement, the mediator or the attorneys will put the agreement or the final consent decree or stipulated agreement in writing and signed by the people involved, with the advice of their attorneys which can then be filed as an order to be approved by the judge assigned to your case.

You also might want to understand your benefits to using mediation.

Control – People keep control over the resolution of their own problem.

Saves Time and Hassle – Disputes can be settled promptly. Mediation sessions can be scheduled as soon as everyone agrees to use mediation to resolve the dispute, and often before a lawsuit is filed.

Costs Less – Mediation costs are significantly less than taking a case to trial, often from 50% to 90% savings.

Collaborative Interaction – Mediation fosters better long-term relationships through cooperative problem-solving and improved communication.

Privacy and Confidentiality – The mediator and the people in the dispute must maintain the confidentiality of the information disclosed during mediation.

Flexibility – Although a judge may order a case to proceed to mediation, the mediation may be terminated at any time by the people involved or by the mediator. Settlement is also entirely voluntary. If you cannot reach an agreement, you still have the right to take your dispute before a judge or jury.

How do I start the mediation process?
Schedule an appointment at WHYmediate? Mediation Services for an hour of education and to see if this cutting edge process is right for your divorce. The mediator will give you a phone consultation at NO CHARGE, that is complimentary, that is long enough to answer your initial process questions and to see if your case is right for WHYmediate.   Our aim at WHYmediate Mediation Services, is to serve as many folks who are willing to try this cutting edge process as possible.  There needs to be a good fit between you, the other party, and of course WHYmediate and our mediators.

At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300
Tempe, AZ 85282
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Divorce - Petition For The Dissolution of Marriage

Does today’s title sound a bit scary? Most people are affected by even the thought of divorce. And that is quite normal, as Divorce is a life altering process. But, unfortunately it is a necessary change in some cases. While both the number of marriages and divorces are down there still affect a good percentage of the populace. 

Divorce - petition for the dissolution of Your Marriage! Does that hit a bit closer to home?  What options are there when it comes to your divorce?

A divorce where the parties have been married for a relatively short period of time, have no children, and little property or debt can be less involved. A divorce where the parties have been married for a long period of time, where there are minor children, or where there is a significant amount of property or debt to be divided and the parties are in disagreement may require even more legal help.

Do you know that Divorce Court isn’t your only option? Like any contract, divorce can be resolved through mediation. For many mediation is a better and more satisfying course of action. So why don’t you know about Marriage Dissolution Mediation?

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special moments in your life.

Did you know that Arizona is a no-fault state, which means that neither spouse needs to give a reason for the divorce. Only one party needs to assert that he or she believes the marriage is "irretrievably broken." If the parties choose to have a "covenant marriage" at the time of their marriage or later convert their marriage to a covenant marriage, the party seeking the divorce must prove grounds found in A.R.S. §25-903.

If your spouse does not want the divorce, he or she may request that the parties attend a conciliation meeting with the court. The divorce will be put on hold for up to 60 days while that meeting takes place. If the meeting does not result in the parties agreeing to postpone the divorce, the divorce will go forward.

If you and your spouse do not agree on a particular issue, such as custody of children, spousal maintenance, or division of property, it may be necessary to have a judge decide these issues or you and your spouse can choose mediation to resolve your conflicts. You must then request a trial in order to finalize your divorce.

The procedure for requesting a trial varies from county to county. You should seek the advice of an attorney if you are not able to determine how to obtain a trial date. Many courts have information and forms available to the public either in their law libraries or their websites.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Planning For Your Divorce

It might seem cynical, but getting pre-divorce advice and planning for an eventual split is a practical step to take when you know your marriage is doomed.  By thinking ahead, you can take steps to ease the transition for both you, your spouse and your children.  This blog will give you some tips on what to consider before you divorce.

Perhaps the first step you might want to consider is the choice of Divorce Court versus Mediation.  

The Advantages Of Mediation Include:
Control – People keep control over the resolution of their own problem.

Saves time and hassle – Disputes can be settled promptly. Mediation sessions can be scheduled as soon as everyone agrees to use mediation to resolve the dispute, and often before a lawsuit is filed.

Costs less – Mediation costs are significantly less than taking a case to trial, often from 50% to 90% savings.

Collaborative interaction – Foster better long-term relationships through cooperative problem-solving and improved communication.

Privacy and Confidentiality – The mediator and the people in the dispute must maintain the confidentiality of the information disclosed during mediation.

Flexibility – Although a judge may order a case to proceed to mediation, the mediation may be terminated at any time by the people involved or by the mediator. Settlement is also entirely voluntary. If you cannot reach an agreement, you still have the right to take the dispute before a judge or jury.

Your Career:
The best way to avoid financial ruin is to make your career plans a top priority. If you're already working but your income won't be enough when you're single, start re-planning your career. If that involves career counseling, re-training or going back to school, do it now while you can. Any money spent in this area will be considered joint money and not deducted from your settlement. The key, however, is doing it before you ask for a divorce.

Your Future Goals:
Divorce can be devastating. It's the end of once-held goals that are now gone. Because of this, it's very easy to get sucked into an emotional black hole of depression. The best remedy is to create new goals for your future. Take the time to consider your interests, desires and what you'd like to do with the rest of your life. Having something positive and productive to work toward will make a big difference in your emotional life.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Having Great Relations With Your Children While Planning A Divorce

Separation and the following divorce are painful processes that disrupt the lives of families. A large body of research has mapped out the common reactions to divorce, and identified ways to ease this painful process. 

For the majority of children who experience the dissolution of their parents’ marriage, the effects are modest and relatively short-lived. Within two years of a separation, the majority of parents regain their equilibrium, establish polite but distant communication with their ex-partner, and their children, in turn, adapt to the new living arrangements. 

Nevertheless, most children report painful feelings about their parents’ divorce, and a significant minority of children suffer extended and prolonged symptomatology related to parental divorce that may include both internalizing and externalizing problems.

Every parent wants to be a good parent; every parent wants to provide for his or her children in the manner that he or she thinks best. The litany of complaints about the ex-spouse will often go on for several minutes. The complaints may be justified, the frustration very real, but the question for the parent remains the same: “Are you doing everything possible to facilitate a good relationship with your child’s other parent?”

Encouraging such a relationship – letting your child know that you genuinely want him to love his mother and father and to be close to both parents – is the most loving, caring, and healthy thing you can do for your child. Research indicates that the strongest predictor of child health in the aftermath of a divorce is the ability to have close relationships with both parents. Encouraging your child to love his or her other parent is the best thing you can do to help him or her cope well with the divorce.

Parents often seek the advice of health care professionals about the timing of their divorce, and wonder whether there is an age at which children are immune to the negative effects of parental separation. Children of all ages are sensitive to parental divorce; their reactions are expressed in ways consistent with their developmental stage. Moreover, children are sensitive to all parental conflict, including suppressed, polite hostility. Parents should be reassured by the research finding that children are also sensitive to the resolution of conflict. Even very young children are aware that a dispute has been successfully resolved.

Children who have experienced their parents’ divorce display a range of emotional and behavioural reactions in the months following the event. Following their parents’ separation, children may regress, display anxiety and depressive symptoms, appear more irritable, demanding and noncompliant, and experience problems in social relationships and school performance.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve family conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions

Is Divorce Court, the TV Show, a Glimpse of Realty?

For the last 15 years the TV show Divorce Court has shown viewers a realty show version of the Divorce Court. 

From the website http://divorcecourt.com/

Judge Lynn Toler is host of the longest running television court program, “Divorce Court” and author of three books including “Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution.”

Judge Toler became the host of “Divorce Court” in 2006. Prior to that, Judge Lynn Toler graduated from Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She began practicing law in Cleveland in 1984. In 1993, at the age of 33, she was elected judge of The Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Judge Toler volunteered actively in her community creating innovative programs for young offenders such as Woman Talk, a program designed to intensively mentor young, at-risk girls.

Judge Toler has written for a variety of magazines including Divorce Magazine published through out the United States and Canada. In 2009, Judge Toler was given The Voice of Freedom Award by the Philadelphia Chapter of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. joining former honorees Colin Powell and Vice President Al Gore, in ringing the Liberty Bell on Martin Luther King Day.

Some reviewers have suggested the show should be called Woman's Court because men do not do well at all. Other reviewers have said Judge Toler's uneven distribution of so-called fairness and justice is an obvious abuse of feminist authority. “Especially, when she feels the need to take the woman into her chambers and speak ill of the man away from his ability to defend himself. I have yet to see her take a man into her chambers and do the same for him,” said one comment.

As with much of reality television the content is carefully chosen and presented in a dramatic way that may not be a fair representation of the way things work in the real world. Keep in mind this is first and foremost meant to be a form of entertainment.  Reality shows are often more about getting and maintaining viewership rather than a form of true education.

Found on the website IMDB along with the review of Divorce Court. “More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined - over $50 billion a year and growing. Through extensive research and interviews with the nation's top divorce lawyers, mediators, judges, politicians, litigants and journalists, this documentary uncovers how children are torn from their homes, unlicensed custody evaluators extort money, and abusive judges play god with people's lives while enriching their friends. This explosive documentary reveals the family courts as unregulated, extra-constitutional fiefdoms. Rather than assist victims of domestic crimes, these courts often precipitate them. And rather than help parents and children move on, as they are mandated to do, these courts - and their associates - drag out cases for years, sometimes decades, ultimately resulting in a rash of social ills, including home foreclosure, bankruptcy, suicide and violence. Solutions to the crisis are sought out in countries where divorce is handled in a more holistic manner.”

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions 

You Can Have A Better Divorce At WhyMediate?

The WHYmediate? process helps people resolve conflicts and re-create relationships. 

Mediation is a conflict resolution process – a smart alternative to going to court, saving time, money, energy, stress and paperwork. 

You will walk away with an in-depth understanding of how to best address communication with the other party. Better mutual understanding can lead to both current and future resolution!

Your guided mediation process to resolve your conflict and move you from WHY? to YES!

Stay out of court; avoid the crushing legal fees associated with high court costs and still successfully resolve your conflict!

Did you know that your conflict can result in a lasting growth experience instead of the usual permanent destruction of relationships after the court battle is over? Get on with life, sooner!

In the WHYmediate? process, we will move you from conflict to mutually agreeable terms and mutual understanding – sometimes with grace, sometimes with technical brilliance and sometimes with shear gut intuition and will.

At WHYmediate? we bring vast experience in areas of the law, mediation, coaching and healing to the table and empower you to do your own research and find the values of your assets and extent of your liability.

At WHYmediate? we believe in open communication – full disclosure of all possible issues, obstacles and solutions, sharing information, stories, experiences that will help you.

At WHYmediate? we believe in progress, and that means change, transition and letting go. Or to put it simpley - Resolution

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 S. Lakeshore Dr. Ste. 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500

http://whymediate.solutions

How Does a Prenup Change The Divorce Process?

First, just what is a prenup or prenuptial agreement?

In Arizona a prenuptial agreement (sometimes referred to as a premarital agreement) is defined as, "an agreement between prospective spouses that is made in contemplation of marriage and that is effective upon that marriage.” 

A prenuptial agreement is used during a divorce to try to protect you and your spouse as you part ways in the future. Arizona is one of nine states classified as a "community property state". What this means is that if you have a divorce, all property acquired after marriage will be split evenly during the dissolution process. Failing to make a prenuptial agreement can result in the courts having power over your future.

Can a prenup be found to be invalid?

Your prenuptial agreement might also be declared invalid if you or your spouse failed to disclose some of your assets before it was signed. Courts don’t want to reward one spouse for hiding assets, or their full value, from the other spouse; a prenuptial agreement signed under such circumstances deprives innocent spouses of the opportunity to fully understand what they are signing. For example, if you thought your spouse had $200,000 in assets, you might be more likely to sign a prenuptial agreement waiving your right to your spouse's assets than if you had known the value of those assets was actually $2 million. Thus, if a court finds one spouse failed to disclose a large portion of his assets, this could invalidate the prenuptial agreement.

Did you know you can have a mediated prenup?  In mediation, the couple formulates the terms of the prenup, face-to-face, with the assistance of the mediator.  Unlike “lawyering up,” they are modeling communication, collaboration, and mutual understanding and respect in coming to the terms of the prenup.  This action at the outset of their marriage is an achievement that reflects the connecting process of a good marriage.

A mediator is a neutral party who works to hear each side and level the playing field.  Each of the future spouses will be able to express his/her thoughts about what the prenup should do.  A party can also, in the mediation session, express the opinion that no prenup is needed.  The mediator can help the couple reconcile differences in a fair way that is satisfactory to each.  Mediation does not feel like bullying.  The parties are in control of the process.

No matter what always have a qualified party look over any document you are about to sign that will affects aspect of your future life.

At WHYmediate?, Find out if mediation can allow you to resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment that covers how to deal with all the special days in your life.

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions