A Bad Relationship With Your Spouse Affects Your Children

When parents fight, children are affected. The worse the fight the greater the effect. If parents can resolve their conflicts without behaving violently toward each other or speaking harshly, children are not as disturbed. They learn that conflicts can be resolved peacefully and relationships preserved, even when people strongly disagree with each other. When parents lash out or give each other the silent treatment, however, children are affected in many ways.

Studies have shown that children's school difficulties are often related to parental conflict. Researchers studied a group of children for three years, beginning when the children were six years old. The children who reported concerns about how their parents got along with each other were at significantly higher risk for having problems paying attention; the problems began one year after the children reported their concerns. Researchers speculated the children may have developed the habit of diverting their attention from their current situation in order to deal with the chaos in their home environment.

When a study group recently asked kids to answer how they could tell if a couple was married, one answer that kept arising was “If they are arguing, then they are probably married.” This response might seem comical if it were coming from an adult, but coming from a child whose intentions are far from getting a laugh, the answer is much more unsettling and much more worthy of our consideration.

Some of us can remember occasions from our own childhoods when our parents were so involved in their emotional states that they acted as if we were invisible. Now as parents, there are times when we are so immersed in an interaction with our partner or spouse, that we forget that we have an audience in our children. We may try to fool ourselves that they are distracted playing on the floor, but little is likely to slip past them when it comes to dynamics between their parents. Whether it’s a parent who yells a lot or one who acts sullen and angry, these patterns directly impact our kids when they are young, and they often go on to re-enact them in their own relationships when they reach adulthood.

They may not know it, but the people that are closest to you, like your children, are studying your relationship and at times making a decision about their own worth and value based on how they see you and your partner treating each other. This is a great motivator for many a couple to take inventory of how they are doing – not only as parents – but as partners. We encourage you to put much work into strengthening and improving the depth of your relationship and intimacy.

Is it time to consider a change in your relationship? At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to resolve your Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment. 

WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300 
Tempe, AZ 85282 
(480) 777-5500
http://whymediate.solutions