Did you know that mediation is one of the most frequently
used methods of negotiating a divorce settlement? The process of divorce
mediation, allows you and your spouse -- or, in some cases, the two of you and
your respective lawyers to hire a neutral third party, called a mediator, to
meet with you in an effort to discuss and resolve the issues in your divorce.
The mediator doesn't make decisions for you, but serves as a facilitator to
help you and your spouse figure out the best solutions to various issues.
Mediation is flexible and confidential. In mediation, the
couple, with the help of the mediator, works out agreements on the above
issues. Sometimes agreements come easy, sometimes they take time and a lot of
work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes.
It is the mediators job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm
ideas, reality test the couple, teach empathy and assist the couple in their
decision making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues
at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track
and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad
prior memories are brought up.
The length of mediation depends on what issues have been
agreed to prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during
mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you
and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the
both of you and your willingness to do what is in the best interests of your
children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are
able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down
your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not
able to calmly discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly
recommended that you avoid it at all costs. When couples try to work out issues
on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the
sand", it makes mediation more difficult and hence more time consuming.
While most people believe a finalized divorce means no more
negotiations, there can be unforeseen circumstances that arise after the
divorce. As children develop, different issues may need to be dealt with. In
some cases health related concerns may need to be addressed as the child ages.
Many divorcees make the mistake of not returning to mediation as these issues
come up, something that can lead to troublesome co-parenting. Pursuing
mediation will help make co-parenting easier, and will keep the former couple
working toward shared goals instead of fighting for his or her individual
wishes which never benefits the children.
At WHYmediate?, we give you the tools you need to
resolve Divorce conflicts in a positive learning environment.
WHYmediate? Mediation Services
4500 South Lakeshore Drive Suite 300
Tempe, AZ 85282
(480) 777-5500
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